Episode 198: Called to be a Bridge Builder with Aly Dosdall

Hey everyone!
Welcome to today’s episode of Living Beyond the Shadow of Doubt.
Ali is my guest today.
Welcome, Ali Dosdall!

Hello Megan, it’s so good to see you.
It is amazing to see you.
I love connecting virtually.
A little bit of background.
Ali and I served in the same mission many moons ago.
Nobody’s counting how many minutes.
Feels like yesterday.

I saw a meme yesterday.
Gen X is the only generation to mature to the age of a 30‑year‑old by ten.
At fifty years of age, still be at that mindset of a 30‑year‑old.
And isn’t that the truth?
So true.
That is so true.
I love that.

Yeah.
So I’m just thrilled to reconnect with you and catch up.
And get to know all the haps that’s going on in your life and your family.
And your faith and all of those things.
So let’s jump right in.

Take a moment and share your story with everybody.
Share your background.
Your origin story, I guess I could say.

Yeah.
I was born and raised in Los Angeles, California by two loving, amazing parents.
They are both Latter‑day Saints and that’s how they raised us.
They were good, kind people, human of course like we all are.
I have an older sister and two younger brothers.
One of my brothers is severely disabled.
That was a struggle and a challenge at times.
But also a blessing.
It taught me a lot about compassion and accepting others and loving them the way they are.
I’m grateful for that.

I graduated from seminary and went to BYU.
Then I served a full‑time mission.
After I came home, I met the love of my life, my best friend.
We got married in the Salt Lake Temple.
That was 29 years ago.
But it feels like a while ago.
We are parents of five amazing children.
Two of our children are queer.
I’m super proud of them.
They are amazing, wonderful human beings.

One of them calls himself asexual.
He uses he/him pronouns.
He also dresses sometimes more feminine, sometimes more masculine.
He is a returned missionary and is active in the church.
He is still trying to figure out that lane.
That is trailblazing for members of the church.
I also have a daughter who is non‑binary.
She uses they/them pronouns.
She is an amazing human being.
She has stepped away from the church.
She did so for mental health reasons.
She is one of my favorite people.

I earned a degree in family studies.
But life, marriage, and children took me in a different direction.
I ended up working in marketing.
That work has been happening since my kids grew up.
I did retail marketing for fourteen to fifteen years.
In October of this past year, I shifted gears.
Now I work as the social media manager for Encircle.
Encircle is a fantastic organization in Utah.
They offer safe spaces, programs, and therapy for LGBTQ youth and families.
I absolutely love what I do.
It has been an amazing journey.

I have followed you on social media.
We connected a while ago.
I watched your posts from your marketing job before this.
When your position changed, I was thrilled.

I feel strongly about creating and promoting safe spaces.
I want to be a bridge builder.
I have learned that safe spaces do not naturally occur.
Safe spaces do not naturally occur, unfortunately.
Especially in religious areas where they should be present.
Our mandate is to first love God and second love our fellow humans.
We struggle with that when it comes to LGBTQ brothers and sisters.
I believe it is important to create those safe spaces.
I feel called to be a bridge builder.
We need to model how to love and include all.
There is not an either/or.
We can and should do both.

I have learned that it is not either/or.
I live my life by that principle.
It is a much more expansive lens to view the world.
All of us are beautiful people.

Let’s talk a bit about your faith journey.
To grow, we often face hiccups or pivots.
Some call it a faith crisis.
It depends on the individual.
We all respond and react in different ways.
Can you share your experience?

You shared that you were born LDS.
How and when did you shift to where you are now?
When did you connect in your mind, heart, and soul?
When things did not quite match up?

Yeah.
I needed to know for myself if what I had been taught was really true.
I did the deep personal study and personal pondering.
Prayer, study, thought, and meditation all helped me find truth.
I came to know for myself what direction God wanted me to go.
I was all in with both feet.
I still am and I will be for the rest of my life.

The pivot and the broadening happened as my family went through struggles.
Starting with our daughter, our non‑binary child.
At fourteen, she hit a mental health wall.
Severe depression and suicidal thoughts.
She’d always had some anxiety and depression.
We had her in therapy around nine or ten and that helped.
But at thirteen or fourteen, she hit that wall again.
It threw our lives into chaos and deep darkness.
She had never experienced that before.
We turned to all the things we always turned to for strength.
But she did not want us to share her struggles publicly.
We felt isolated and alone as a family.
It took a long time to help her get better.
She resisted treatment and help for several years.
She is now on the autism spectrum and high functioning.
Her emotional struggles remain.
They will come up over her lifetime, of course.
She is doing much better now.

During that dark period, I prayed and felt nothing but anxiety.
I stuck with what I believed and what I knew.
On the other side, I learned that life is full of contradictions and conundrums.
Seemingly impossible situations can help us find God.
Meeting God in darkness and uncertainty can deepen our relationship with him.
I also saw that God prepared me for this moment.
My brother’s disability taught me unconditional love.
My mother taught me to watch out for the underdog.
She had a special love for the LGBTQ community.
That was controversial back then.
When my children came out, I could say, “I love you. Let’s figure this out together.”
The pivot came before that in my heart and mind.
I’m grateful for that preparation.

Wow.
Thank you for sharing so freely of your personal story.
I want to acknowledge your non‑binary child.
Thank you for allowing that part of their journey to be shared.
They did not want to be open about their health struggles.
That is part of life.
We all have physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional health.
It is all connected.
Alignment and connectedness to God happen when all parts of our being work optimally.
There is no traditional perfection, only wholeness.
One purpose of this earthly existence is to learn.
Thank you.
I love you and it is okay not to be okay.
I have struggled myself for years.
Learning to align my physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional selves helped me.

I love how openly you share that.
My child has learned that openness and authenticity help mental health too.
More of us are talking and sharing about these things now.
Definitely more than our parents’ generation.
I am struck by the example your mother set.
She passed acceptance on to you.
You passed it on to your kids.

What advice would you give to parents navigating this space?
Kids are coming out younger and younger.
Some come out in their twenties or thirties.
What would you offer them?

Love always wins.
Only love can lead.
Let go of contention, panic, and fear.
Those emotions are valid but release them.
Lean into divine love and see others as God sees them.
God sees them with absolute love.
Lean into that and let go of fear.

I fear how my children will be treated and received.
I worry about their future.
I also recognize their resilience and unique talents.
They will be successful and amazing.
We believe in agency and choice.
We shouldn’t rob our children of that.
When we try to control their choices, contention arises.
I taught my children what I believe.
I focused on helping them build their own relationship with God.
That personal connection to the divine has been my greatest gift.
When I let go of my need to control, I find peace.
God loves them and has their back.
That is all I need.
I trust and love.
That love among our family brings me the greatest joy.

Some youth lack that connection with an adult they can trust.
Don’t miss out on that.
Be the person they can come to and love them.

Amen!
I remember realizing I was on the front lines of my child’s connection to God.
If they were to feel divine love, I needed to show it first.
Leaning into that is freeing.
I love your advice to release fear and lean into love.
Taking care of our own needs helps us support our families.
It starts with you first.

You mentioned feeling called to love unconditionally.
How did you receive that calling?

I don’t remember a single moment.
Life and the universe have led me in this direction.
I heard the concept of a stone catcher.
In the story, Jesus said, “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.”
Then everyone put their stones down.
We can choose not to throw stones.
We can also choose to be stone catchers.
Stone catchers protect and defend those being persecuted.
That is where I feel called.
I want to catch stones, not throw them.
There is a lot of stone throwing in every direction.
I want to be the one catching.

That resonates with me.
I feel that calling strongly too.
I became an advocate early on.
I would take the crosshairs off my child.
I feel blessed to act on that call.

A faith journey brings ups and downs.
I focus on the joy that comes from uncertainty.
In that liminal space, we feel vibrations guiding us.
What moments of pure joy have you experienced?

Joy is important and requires intention.
My greatest joy is my family and our relationships.
I love engaging with their unique interests.
They are not always my personal interests.
Supporting them brings me joy.
I love music, theater, and good film.
A bubble bath with calm music brings joy.
Pets bring joy.
Extending forgiveness brings joy.
Letting go of unrealistic expectations brings joy.
Questioning why expectations exist brings joy.
Finding common ground brings joy.
Proximity to diversity brings joy.
Hearing others’ stories and building bridges brings joy.
Catching stones brings joy.
Those moments happen one at a time.

Diversity is a fact, not up for debate.
Our founding principles emphasize equity.
Equity means giving what is needed for a similar outcome.
Offering the extra ladder rung or stool is equity.
If Christ were here today, he would be with those honoring diversity.
He would cultivate inclusion and offer equity.

I have sat in conferences helping LGBTQ members of the church.
I felt that Jesus would be right there loving them.
That is where I want to be.
I love the divinity in everyone.

What does it mean to live beyond the shadow of doubt?
Don’t let doubt cast a shadow on your faith.
Doubt is normal and can catalyze a deeper relationship with the divine.
Don’t let doubt overshadow your faith.
Also, avoid all‑or‑nothing thinking.
Life and God are nuanced.
Embrace life’s paradoxes and contradictions.
That acceptance deepens your relationship with the divine.

I feel that too.
There is beauty and growth in living contradictions.
Embracing paradox expands and brings us closer to the divine.

Joy!

I’m going to throw out some fun questions.
One‑ or two‑word answers.

What’s your favorite book?
The Small and the Mighty by Sharon McMahon.

Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
An introverted extrovert.

Who’s your favorite artist?
Monet.

Are you a night owl or a morning lark?
A night owl.

Who’s your celebrity crush?
Kristin Chenoweth.

What do you prefer to drink?
Water.

What’s the furthest place you’ve traveled?
China—Shanghai and Beijing.

If people want to connect with you or get involved with Encircle, how can they?
Find me on Instagram and Facebook at @AlyDosdall.
Visit encircletogether.org to see ways to get involved.

I hope Encircle comes to DFW.
I would love that nationwide expansion.
We just need the resources to make it happen.

This has been so much fun.
Thank you for taking time to meet with me.
It has been a great conversation.