Episode 152: Big Tent Mormonism with Shannon Lamb

Meagan Skidmore:
Welcome, everyone. I’m thrilled to have my longtime friend Shannon Lam here today. We went to grad school together in the late ’90s/early 2000s, and reconnecting has felt like a mini-reunion. Shannon, thanks for saying yes to this conversation.

Shannon:
Thanks for having me. I’m glad you reached out. For a long time on social I stuck to safe, happy posts. Then I started sharing what was actually happening. Seeing others be honest helped me—it made me want to be more open too. Social media’s become a kind of journal for me. I’m not sharing the deepest, darkest things, but I am sharing real life in hopes it resonates.

Meagan:
I noticed that shift. I was on the cusp of it myself, and your honesty caught my attention. Also—your kids see your posts, right?

Shannon:
Yes. Three of my kids are out of the house; we’re connected on Instagram and Facebook. They’re seeing their mom process things in real time—an adult who doesn’t have all the answers and is doing her best. In some ways they’re getting to know a “new” version of me—same mom, fewer layers.

Background & Early Faith

Meagan:
Give us a little background—family, faith of origin, where you’re from.

Shannon:
I grew up in the San Fernando Valley (L.A. area), fifth of six kids, very active in the LDS church. In the ’80s, church was our social hub—roadshows, activities, friends from our ward. My parents were chill but expected a lot. Early-morning seminary was hard, but I graduated. I applied only to BYU (lucky that worked out!) and majored in psychology. I planned everything: finish fast, and if I wasn’t serious with someone by graduation, I’d serve a mission.

I didn’t date much, so I served in Honduras. It was one of the hardest and most formative things I’ve ever done—poverty, heat, safety issues. It taught me grit and staying power. Later, back at BYU, I started a master’s program (school counseling/school psychology).

Marriage, Motherhood, and the Checklist

Meagan:
You married during grad school, right?

Shannon:
Yes. I was 23, very little dating experience, and I was a planner/checklist person. He “checked the boxes.” Our dating was rocky—probably a sign—but when you believe God is sanctioning something, you push forward. We married; I finished my master’s while he started his. The next “box” was kids.

I wasn’t sure I wanted them, but once I started, I actually enjoyed motherhood more than expected. I’m motivated and competent, so I leaned in hard—juggling the home, little ones, everything. Early on I felt a strong impression I’d have five kids. As a planner, I thought: let’s get through the hardest stage quickly—overlap diapers, sleepless nights, nursing, all of it.

Working, Leading, and Hitting Capacity

Meagan:
You also started working outside the home.

Shannon:
Yes, I got my real estate license and, around the same time, was called as Relief Society President. My oldest was 11; my youngest 3. I was building a business, raising five kids, running the household, and trying to meet the pastoral needs of 200–300 women. It was beautiful and exhausting. The cracks started to show.

The First Jolt: Questions Surface

Shannon:
Not even a year into the calling, my (then) husband mentioned the Book of Abraham papyri being standard funerary texts and not matching the scriptural content. It blew my mind. My brain opened a “book” of hard questions—then slammed it shut. I told myself: You can’t go there. You have too much on your plate. I shelved it. But the strain didn’t go away.

Ward Council focused on missionary numbers while we were struggling to retain and care for people we already had. I started wondering: Is this really how God wants this done? The questions multiplied. We’re taught anything not produced by the Church is “anti,” so I avoided sources. Eventually I couldn’t.

Closing and Reopening the Book

Meagan:
What kept you shutting that “book,” and what finally opened it?

Shannon:
I was the Relief Society President. I felt I couldn’t explore those concerns and still show up to inspire others. It was all-or-nothing thinking—how we’re taught. If one thing’s not true, then nothing is. That framing makes the fall brutal.

Eventually, I stepped back. My husband was asked to teach early-morning seminary, which gave me an out from the calling; he also gave me space. (Looking back, he’d probably had his own quiet faith shift for years.) Patriarchy and sexism in the church were harder for him to see—common for men in leadership. But he wasn’t controlling about my questions.

I tried to open dialogue in my ward—asked for a 5th Sunday, created a private Facebook group. It didn’t land. People were scared, defensive, or just not ready. I get it; I was reactive at first too.

I found safer spaces online—Jana Riess, Thomas Wirthlin McConkie—and let myself dip a toe in. I deliberately avoided scrutinizing the Book of Mormon because it felt like the last tether. Then November 2015 policy (restricting baptism/participation for children of same-sex couples) happened. That was the beginning of the end for my previous certainty.

The Bridge Generation

Meagan:
I’ve called us the “bridge generation.” We remember pre-internet church culture and now live in an information-rich world. We’re connected globally; we have more research, more science, more perspectives. Holding all that can be disorienting—and liberating.

Shannon:
Exactly. Our parents had less access to information; our kids won’t tolerate conformity for conformity’s sake. We’re in-between—trying to honor the good from the past and the reality of what we know now.

Staying, Space-Making, and Social Capital

Meagan:
You’ve stayed connected in your ward and made space for yourself.

Shannon:
Yes, and I’m aware that relational history and “social capital” helped. I’d served; people knew me. If you’re new or unknown, speaking up feels riskier. Early on, I could barely attend without anger or numbness; I had nothing positive to say. For 2–3 years, I mostly sat in silence. Now I speak up almost every week, but it took time. To friends just starting this: give yourself permission to take all the time you need, and find like-minded people. That community saves you.

Anger as a Purifier & Moving Toward Love

Meagan:
Anger can be purifying—it moves out what no longer serves so we can grow. How has allowing the process impacted your relationship with the Divine?

Shannon:
When I was all-in, I could only go so far spiritually. Things that didn’t make sense forced “thought stopping.” Now, my mind is open. I’m far more comfortable with not knowing. That openness changed everything—religiously and politically. I can say, “I was wrong,” with less ego. I love people more Christ-like now. I truly judge less.

We were conditioned to read outside indicators—garments, sleeves, piercings, hair—as obedience markers. It fed judgment. Letting go of that has made me freer, kinder, and more honest with God.

Living Beyond the Shadow of Doubt

Meagan:
What does it mean to live beyond the shadow of doubt?

Shannon:
It’s freedom and authenticity. Freedom to say “I was wrong,” to change when I learn more, and to give grace to those who still hold tightly to certainty. I’m making space for people who don’t feel that way—and believing there’s room for all of us in the church, not just “in the world.”

Your experience of God helping you find your car keys? Beautiful. That hasn’t been my experience. We should respect each other’s spiritual journeys and welcome the diversity. I don’t feel constrained or hidden anymore. And I trust that we’re loved by our Heavenly Parents.

Rapid-Fire Fun

Meagan:
Favorite book (or current read)?

Shannon:
No single favorite—but I’m (re)listening to It by Stephen King. The audiobook is 46 hours; my kids are reading it too.

Meagan:
Introvert or extrovert?

Shannon:
Total extrovert.

Meagan:
Favorite artist—your choice of genre.

Shannon:
Joanna Gaines—I flip houses and love her craft.

Meagan:
Night owl or morning lark?

Shannon:
Honestly in between—bed and wake times are pretty moderate.

Meagan:
Celebrity crush?

Shannon:
Christian Bale—he’s intriguing.

Meagan:
Still or carbonated—or diet soda?

Shannon:
After years of just milk and water, I’ve fallen for Diet Coke. There’s a 32-pack in the fridge.

Meagan:
Farthest place you’ve traveled?

Shannon:
Greece and Italy—both recent and amazing.

Connect with Shannon

• Email: shannonlam.realtor@gmail.com

• Instagram: @shannonlambhomes

• Facebook: Shannon Lamb Homes

Meagan:
Shannon, thank you for your time, your heart, and this rich conversation. So good to reconnect.

Shannon:
Thank you—it’s been a joy.