Episode 16. The 3 Motivators

Today I’m picking up where I left off in the episode, Having doubts is not the same as finding fault.

I talked about how I believe the motivation behind our seeking of answers to questions and doubts is important to consider as well.  It is key to what I’m trying to do and create with this podcast. 

I also pointed out the difference between having questions and doubts about things that don’t make sense (yet) to you vs being critical and condemning about them.

So let’s talk more about this—motivation.

There are three primary motivators for behavior.  We do or say something from a place of fear (basic, primary, survival level), duty or love (highest level, what we strive for).

Next time you take note of something you do or say, 

try to pause for a moment, 

take note of the circumstance, 

what you’re thinking about this situation which will correlate to what you’re feeling and do (or don’t do) 

and ultimately what you create.

Ask yourself honestly, what is motivating my “xyz action” or what was I feeling when I said “abc words?”  If you aren’t sure, use this as a guide and ask:

Did I speak those “abc words” out of fear? (for myself, loved ones, the future, etc?)

Did I say “abc words” because I felt it my duty?  If so, is it really and truly MY duty?

Were “abc words” coming from a place of genuine love for the person/group of people?

Repeat these three questions subbing out “abc words” for “xyz action.”

And one last question, always a good one to make you ponder, “What are you making the situation mean about YOU, personally?” 

See what comes up for you.  Be honest with yourself.  It might take some time getting to the answer.

Do this several times over the course of a day, week or even month. 

What is this creating for you in your life and are you happy with that?  Is it genuinely serving you?  Or are you trying to convince yourself that it is serving you?  Do you notice patterns? If so, what are they?  Where else are you creating these patterns in your life…..

The list of questions could go on….

As your coach, I create a neutral, safe, confidential place for you to explore and determine how — whether you realize it or not— you are creating what you experience in life.  

A thunderstorm might “happen to us,’ but we don’t have to stand out in the middle of it and get struck by lightening.  

Life has and endless supply of circumstances.  The trick is not to avoid, resist or dodge them but rather choose how we want to show up to or in them.

We create our

results from acting out of fear, or duty or love

Let’s say for convo sake, that even if the pathway X person “Jo” is on what we might think is the “wrong” path…..maybe that is the right path for them…..think of Judas betrayal, John the Baptist beheaded, doubting Thomas, Peter’s denial 3X, etc.  These are intense hard experiences both to talk about and acknowledge.  But they happened and God allowed it.

Even if uncomfortable, IT’s also an option for us to view it as part of their journey, progress, growth, development.  If God has enough trust and wisdom to allow it, can we?

IF we don’t, ask what are we hoping to accomplish?  Change their minds?  Influence their behavior?  How does that help them grow?  How does that contribute to them making a choice, following through and allowing natural consequences?  And then learning how to navigate3 those consequences?

Interjecting oneself into the lives/choices/convos of others with the goal of changing their mind or behavior does not work.  This is motivated by fear.  It is a dead end that will drive wedges between individuals and families.  That is also not God’s plan.  God does not force us in anything.

On the other hand, acting or speaking out of duty doesn’t require one to use critical thinking skills, or engage in autonomy of self.  You do it because your are told it is right and it should not be questioned.  There is little growth coming from this place—one does not really have to think for themselves.  There is very little “risk,” “stretching” or entertaining the idea that one really does have more than one choice.  There is a loss of opportunity to feel empowered when one does not use their God-given free-agency.  

It is  so empowering to choose how you believe, to decide how you want to live your life, what you want to create.

Alternatively coming from a place of love allows one to expand—their literal personal space, mind, viewpoint and most importantly heart.  When in college, I studied a lot of subjects—math, physical sciences, social sciences, arts, humanities, English, Spanish, US history, world history, religious history, and so on.  

That doesn’t mean every last piece of information I came across resonated with me or that I adopted it into my daily or regular life.   It means I learned something that I didn’t know or fully understand before.  What I do with that information is up to me.  That is called having free will or in the LDS faith, free agency.

I hope you’ve learned something new today.  I’d love to hear about it.  Drop me a note at hello@meaganskidmorecoaching.com.

This is the last week to join my hybrid group program for LGBTQ+ parents. It’s a pilot coaching program that’s a combination of group & 1: coaching, & guest speakers.  I will simultaneously be going through a trauma certification so those who are involved in my hybrid pilot group will get the benefit of trauma coaching as well.

I still have a few spots avail for a complimentary coaching package for Q+ teens or young adults to coincide that also coincides the trauma certification.  Please shoot me an email for more info about either program at hello@meaganskidmorecoaching.com.

I want to remind everybody that I am a proud member of the Dialogue Podcast Network (DialogueJournal.com/podcastnetwork). The Dialogue Podcast Network features shows by Latter-day Saints who wish to bring their faith into dialogue with the larger stream of world religious thought and with human experience as a whole and to foster artistic and scholarly achievement based on their cultural heritage.

That’s all for today; thanks for joining me!