Episode 13. Bridging the Gap with 3 Stages of Faith

My name is Meagan Skidmore, and this is the “Beyond the Shadow of Doubt” podcast. My purpose in creating this podcast is to bring the traditionally taboo topic of doubt and asking  questions out of the shadows, peel back the layers of shame and shed light and insight on this topic.

As a Life transitions coach I work w/ LGBTQ+ families of a conservative faith background.  I work with both the parents & LGBTQ+ kiddos and focus much of my work to advocating, educating and providing support.  .

Welcome to episode “……….”

A couple of episodes ago, I touched on this concept of the stages of faith.  There are several schools of thought and more than one philosophy.  I see stages of faith like grade levels of elementary school.  In the US public schools, kids start in Kinder at age 5, and move on to first, second, third, fourth and usually fifth.  Often sixth, seventh and eighth make up middle school grades, leaving 9th, 10th, 11th and 12th for HS freshman, sophomore, jr, sr years.

Of course the idea is that the curriculum for the current year in school builds from the previous years content.  Kinder is usually an intro to basic concepts that have up until this point been mysterious squiggles and shapes with unknown meaning — like numbers, letters, colors; of course an intro to  socialization as it’s often a first opportunity to be in a large group setting for these students w/ expectations,

First grade will build upon this foundation.  Now that these squiggles and lines called numbers have a value assigned to them, the student can use them for useful things like counting (by 1s, 2s, 3s, 4s, 5s, 10s) ordering, grouping, organizing, etc. We learn that others of these squiggles called letters when lined up next to one another form words—called our vocabulary— which also have meaning (definitions) that we will eventually learn as well.

As we move onto second, third, fourth grades and upwards our knowledge continually expands, and is always building on what we learned the previous year, ideally anyway.  We eventually learn more complex actions with those numbers like adding and subtracting them. Once those are mastered we can do more complex math like multiplication and long division, which use the functions of adding and subtracting and build upon it. And with the the letters that form words we learn to communicate needs, wants, desires —eventually the words become phrases, the phrases become sentences, then paragraphs, reports, essays, papers, thesis, dissertations.   

We wouldn’t want to stay a “grader” in elementary school forever.  It doesn’t make sense to suggest it!  That would get boring, monotonous.  There would be no growth without advancing to the deeper concepts, intellectual challenges, critical thinking skills and the stretching of ones capacity that is required in middle, high school and other higher institutions of learning—voc school, comm college, university and/or grad school.

In the same way we don’t want to remain in grade school forever, we don’t remain in primary Sunday school forever.  It makes sense that child-like faith expand into tween/teen faith, youth and young adult faith and eventually a more mature faith of adulthood.  No one need seek out opportunities; life is naturally going to introduce situations where one may be tested, challenged, stretched.  These experiences sometimes create confusion, trial/error, questions, doubts, insights, ah-ha moments, and so on.  In essence,  we are “graduating” from being a Child of God to an Adult of God.  Having Qs and Ds is vehicle to deeper, stronger more expansive faith.  Graduation from primary Sunday school if you will.   

Faith is not Blind

In the book Faith is not Blind by Bruce and Marie Hafen, starting on PG 11

They suggest a 3 stage model helps deal w/ uncertainty —

Stage 1 – simplicity on this side of OR BEFORE complexity, innocent and untested. (Untested idealism of naive simplicity)

Stage 2 – complexity, the gap between the real and the ideal, where we struggle with conflicts and uncertainty

Stage 3 – simplicity beyond complexity, a settled and informed perspective that has been tempered and tested by time and experience.

Some in early simplicity Stage 1 just don’t see a gap; somehow filter out any perception of diff between real and ideal. 

PG 12

Everything is “the best” – mission, ward, every new day, —cheerful/optimistic/ high fivers.  Others in this stage may see the gap but they choose—whether consciously or not—to ignore the terra firms of reality, pretending that they have elimitated the gap, with all it’s frustrations.  They cling to the ideal so single-mindedly that they just don’t feel the discomfort that comes from facing the real facts about themselves, others or the world around them.  For them perhaps the gap asks questions that are too raw, pushing them into a sense of denial that filters out painful realities.

When we don’t see the gap or we focus only on the ideal while blocking out the real, our perspective lacks depth.  If this is our paradigm, faith can be both blind and shallow bec it lacks awareness and careful thought. These limitations can keep us from extending our roots into the soil of real experience deeply enough to form the solid foundation needed to withstand the strong winds of adversity (Alma 32:37-38)

GROWING DEEP ROOTS REQUIRES THAT WE LEARN TO WORK THROUGH UNCOMFORTABLE REALITIES.

In stage 1 the inexperience person seems to have all of the answers, but may not yet know many of the questions—PG 13

In stage 1 faith is blind because it lacks awareness of reality-PG 13

In Stage 2 that same person can have all of the questions but few of the answers-PG 13

In Stage 2, faith is still blind if it sees complexity as the end of the journey of faith

“The ability to acknowledge ambiguity and important step in our spiritual development is not a final form of enlightenment—it is only the beginning” – PG 13

PG 14

The best response to the GAP of uncertainty is to keep growing into Stage 3, where we don’t just see the real and the ideal, we also hold on to each perspective—with eyes and hearts wide open.  LOOKING through the lens of this simplicity [that is] beyond complexity, we can take action even when we wish we had more evidence before deciding what to do.

PG 15 “the choice to be believing at this stage is very different from mere blind obedience”. “…it invites us to use those tools (educated, critical mind) coupling them with our confidence in the ideal so we can improve the status quo not just criticize it.  CALL it informed faith.

I think this is when cognitive dissonance is greatest—when we don’t feel we have control over our faith journey or we feel we have limited information —we aren’t able to exercise informed faith.

What does grade school have to do with any of this? 

The first stage of faith —Simplicity—is like when we’re learning that the squiggles and lines represent numbers and letters and that we can use them to count, to represent a value or to create words that have meaning.  This prepares us for what’s next.

The second stage – complexity – could be likened to the use of the knowledge of numbers to learn addition and subtraction.  OR the understanding of words to create phrases, sentences, paragraphs.

The third stage — simplicity BEYOND complexity — could be compared to learning multiplication tables and long division.  It sure is easier to already know the skills of addition and subtraction —I mean multiplication is just another form of addition with some complexity but is ultimately simpler way of dealing with the numbers i.e. —4 X 3 is the number 4 added together 3x.  Then of course there’s geometry, algebra, trig and so on.

We don’t have to stay indefinitely in the space of adding the number 4 three times in a row on our fingers or written out on paper.  That was surely an important starting place, but it is not all there is.  If Einstein had stuck to addition, and subtraction only,

Hopefully you can see the connection.  The spiritual knowledge and understanding we gain early on in and throughout our journey has its place, a very important one, but it is not all there is.  As I mentioned before, questions and doubts are vehicles to a greater more expansive faith.

You can give yourself permission to define how you approach spiritual growth. You get to create the relationship you want in regards to your faith journey.  This is true regardless of your faith of origin, culture, family, race, gender/sexual identity, ethnicity, creed, community, and so on. It lies within each of us to connect with the Divine, God, the universe, Allah, or however you refer to the Higher Power—it lies w/in each of us to create an authentic connection, one that speaks to you and reminds you of your inherent worth.

I’m going to close there.  Before wrapping up want to remind you that I am a proud member of the Dialogue Podcast Network (DialogueJournal.com/podcastnetwork). The Dialogue Podcast Network features shows by Latter-day Saints who wish to bring their faith into dialogue with the larger stream of world religious thought and with human experience as a whole and to foster artistic and scholarly achievement based on their cultural heritage.

I am currently creating a PILOT hybrid group program for LGBTQ+ parents.  By pilot, it’s in the test phase, by hybrid I mean that it will be a combination of group coaching, individual coaching, and weeks where I invite guests to speak to the group. I will simultaneously be going through a trauma certification program to enlarge my skill set as a coach, as well as deepen my ability to process with my clients. I would love and appreciate your help as I go through the program. Win-win. Those who are involved in my hybrid pilot group will get the benefit of trauma coaching as well if desired/needed. Let’s learn and grow together!  For limited time I’m offering a complimentary 6 session package for Q+ teens or young adults to coincide with the trauma certification.  Please shoot me an email for more info about either hello@meaganskidmorecoaching.com

Feel free to send questions or comments about today’s episode to the same email.  Or if you prefer to visit in person click the “work with me” button tat the top of my website to schedule a chat; your first is complementary no strings attached.  That website is https://meaganskidmorecoaching.com. while you’re there don’t forget to Subscribe to get my free 20+ page LGBTQ+ Resource Guide for families. 

Thanks for joining me.  Until next time.