Episode 4. Doubts, Mental Health, Suicide prevention

My name is Meagan Skidmore, and this is the “Beyond the Shadow of Doubt” podcast. My goal is to bring the traditionally somewhat taboo topic of doubt and questioning out of the shadows of shame and into the sunlight.

I am a Life transitions coach certified through the life coach school & I work w/ parents of lgtbq+ kiddos of a conservative faith background.

Welcome to episode 4 “Doubts, Mental Health, Suicide prevention”

Last weekend, I went to an Imagine Dragons concert.  I was reminded of how grateful I am for lead singer Dan Reynolds’ openness regarding his mental health struggles.  He actively works to break the stigma by talking about it and normalizing feelings of anxiety, depression and having a therapist whom he sees regularly.

Having my own struggles with mental health since my teen years I’m grateful for a different world my children are growing up in.  We do talk a lot more about mental health than say my parents and their parent’s generations, and so on.  The more we talk the less shame can have a hold on our life experience.  And incidentally the more we talk about mental health, the more it improves.

Since this is the “Beyond the Shadow of Doubt” podcast let’s address for a minute how doubts and either the allowing or denying of them can affect mental health.

A little bit of denial can be an effective coping mechanism; more often however denial prevents us from overcoming our problems.  (https://www.mentalhealthcenter.org)

Being in denial when it comes to our faith or in other words ignoring that you have doubts/questions is to not allow them or to not acknowledge that the uncertainty exists.

To deny oneself the opportunity to have doubts …is to question its connection with reality or in other words that it actually exists or is REAL!  It is in essence expressing that it is hypothetical.  To ignore, push away, or deny our doubts over time takes a toll on one’s mental psyche.

When it comes to matters of faith one must use not just mind but also heart and soul in determining feelings, conclusions and courses of action.  We use expressions such as “what does your heart tell you” or  “connect with your inner self to know what to do” or “the spirit or universe will guide you “ or “your inner wisdom will know what is best” to express this. 

This is the quintessential example of engaging in the human process of weighing things out, including the pros and the cons, going through decision making process, utilizing reasoning skills, studying, pondering, engaging in prayer, and in meditation— all of these things require complex human thought, and they bring growth!

BUT if there is no impetus, no reason for which to engage in other words—no looming questions, concerns or doubts…….then why engage?  Why begin the process in the first place of discovery?

When we ignore, push down or deny our very adept human brain this privilege of going through this process….we cultivate unhealthy mental behavior (our thoughts) and run the risk of mental atrophy for ourselves, for lack of a better word.  Unhealthy thoughts lead to unhealthy feelings and actions.

I recently listened to the Fight Like a Mother Podcast by Cheryl Cardall, episode #44 “In the Trenches: OCD and Religious Scrupulosity with Jill Freestone.  I highly recommend this episode particularly for those suffering from OCD and scrupulosity.

At one point Cheryl said:

“One of the things that helps it (scrupulosity) is the having the gray area, not having the black and white thinking and not being sure about anything.”

In other words….allowing the uncertainty, giving permission for doubts and for having questions.  Really great discussion.  I will leave a link in the show notes.

Sooooo, what is the moral of all of this that I’m sharing today?….having doubts is actually so healthy and normal….so much healthier for us mentally, emotionally and spiritually speaking in terms of faith.

Shifting gears a bit….

September is Suicide Prevention month, & this week is set aside for suicide awareness.

Part of my LCS certification included a Suicide prevention class through the QPR institute.   In the same way that CPR can literally save the life of a person who is choking or stopped breathing, QPR can save a person’s life who may be “choking” or no longer “breathing” mentally or emotionally. 

Of course I’m speaking metaphorically, however the effectiveness of the intervention is real.

Q stands for “Question”

Q: “I’ve noticed you’ve been absent a lot lately.  Is everything ok?”

“You have not answered my texts for a few days.  I’m concerned about you and your well-being.  Do you want to talk?

P for Persuade: talk to them about options, ways to get help and possible resources persuade to go

R for Refer: provide information to appropriate resources, including offering to assist them to physically get to the resources

Free QPR training offered by Mama Dragons and Liftand love.org

I highly recommend QPR and will leave links in my show notes for you!

I hope by talking specifically about suicide that it encourages you to be courageous and give yourselves permission to talk about it with family, friends and loved ones.  Not talking about it doesn’t make it go away.  Not talking about it or showing discomfort around the subject amplifies the shadow of shame surrounding it.

If you have questions about today’s episode let’s have a chat.  Your first visit with me is always complementary.  Find me at my website https://meaganskidmorecoaching.com where you can also connect with me on social.  Thanks for joining me.  Until next time!

qprinstitute.com

Liftandlove.org: https://www.liftandlove.org/qpr-training

Mamadragons.org: https://www.mamadragons.org/suicide-prevention-training

Fight Like a Mother Podcast: https://www.fightlikeamotherpodcast.com/podcast-1/episode/19e4336b/044-in-the-trenches-ocd-and-religious-scrupulosity-with-jill-freestone

7 common signs of denial: https://www.mentalhealthcenter.org/denial-what-you-need-to-know/