Episode 220: The Power of Connection in Suicide Prevention

I’m Megan Skidmore. For two and a half years, I have been talking about evolving faith journeys. I started to tire of the heaviness of this focus.

 

I had the clear message come through. It is time for Beyond the Shadow of Doubt podcast to evolve into living Beyond the Shadow of Doubt podcast. With the same vulnerability and unapologetic authenticity, I will be focusing on the joy in this journey, the life and the living that comes on the other side of maybe, on the other side of what’s possible.

 

I want to talk about claiming spiritual sovereignty and becoming your own captain of your vessel. Let’s celebrate releasing what no longer aligns for you and connecting with your higher power and honor, expanding your energy field to make room for all things new. Every first Friday of the month, I offer a free coaching hour.

 

Anyone is welcome to join and you may leave your camera off and change your name if you would like to remain anonymous. This is an opportunity to get introduced to my style of holistic coaching and gain real skills, insight relevant to you and fresh perspective on life circumstances. For those attending, there will be opportunities for a complimentary one-off energy alignment session.

 

Register at the link in the show notes. Please note that today’s episode includes discussion and themes of suicide and suicide prevention. Please take care in listening, tending to your own personal, mental, emotional and spiritual health.

 

If you or anyone you know is experiencing suicide ideation, call 911, state there is a mental health emergency, provide details about the individual’s behavior and request a crisis intervention team. Also, see the show notes for today’s episode for more resources. Hey, everyone.

 

Welcome to today’s episode. In light of September being Suicide Prevention Month, I have carefully chosen my message for today. This is a topic worthy of our attention because according to the Trevor Project, suicide is the leading cause of death among young people aged 10 to 24.

 

And also LGB youth are almost five times as likely to have attempted suicide compared to heterosexual youth. In a national study, 40% of transgender adults report having made a suicide attempt. 92% of these individuals reported having attempted suicide before the age of 25.

 

For some, talking about suicide can be uncomfortable. However, I believe it is imperative that humanity as a collective whole build our emotional and discomfort, uneasiness, sadness, and even hurt that come up in order to participate in these tough conversations. Some of the causes of death by suicide are directly connected to struggle with one’s mental and emotional health.

 

According to Johns Hopkins Medicine, most people who die by suicide have a mental health issue. It may be a depressive or substance abuse disorder. They may feel lonely, depressed, or isolated.

 

They may have had a traumatic life experience. Many of the warning signs of suicidal feelings are also signs of depression. The AFSP or American Foundation for Suicide Prevention states there is no single cause for suicide.

 

Suicide most often occurs when stressors and health issues converge to create an experience of hopelessness and despair. Efforts that counter loneliness and isolation all point to human connection. I believe connection is a vital component of suicide prevention long before a person exhibits warning signs.

 

I am in no way suggesting that this is a quick fix or a replacement for adequate mental health care and being proactive about getting it. So when considering connection, showing up vulnerably is the only way to true connection. Shooting the breeze about what you had for lunch or how was school or work today or did you see the latest movie aren’t going to cut it.

 

Heartfelt, raw, and authentic sharing followed by open-ended, thoughtful questions is a pathway to true connection. Note that the pathway I’m describing is indefinite and it’s different for everyone and subject to your intuition of what’s best for you in your situation. In no way am I suggesting a one-size-fits-all approach.

 

So within a few weeks, I’m going to publish my first book and I thought I would share with you a few excerpts. In order to become a person who could publish a book of such rawness and vulnerability, I had to evolve into a different person and this was a process and I’m still evolving. I’ve pulled back many layers.

 

And so I share this with you today in hopes that it might prick something in your heart and your soul to consider sharing more of yourself with your friends, family, loved ones, community members, and so on. From my prologue, I wrote, as you read, make your story now be intertwined with mine. May you feel the tapestry of human connection tightly woven into your soul together, not just with mine, but with all of humanity.

 

For much of my life, I have struggled with depression. The first time I recall, I was a teenager. I didn’t fit in, quote unquote, nor was I connected with peers.

 

This was to be a recurring theme for years to come. Now, the resourced adult in me is able to parent and reassure my inner child by seeing, hearing, and loving all of me without reservation and judgment. This is connection.

 

It starts first with self. If we are not connected to ourselves, we will not be able to connect, truly connect, with those around us. This is not just what our kids desire and desperately need, but also our fellow humans walking this mortal sojourn with us.

 

I experienced this as I wrote my first book, Transparency, how I learned to see through my journey as a parent of a transgender kiddo. It was incredibly healing to put pen to paper and bare my soul. Although it is to be published in a few weeks, the act of writing alone made me feel connected to myself, my story, and my purpose, capital P. From the intro, I quote, in 2019, I was searching for answers.

 

I was in more emotional, mental, and spiritual pain than I had ever experienced. I had new information, and I knew my life was never going to be the same. In my search for answers, I remember coming across a blog post that read something like this.

 

Imagine sitting in church on Sunday with your family, all lined up in a pew. You look around. People are smiling, enjoying the speaker.

 

The mom in front of you is braiding her daughter’s hair. You can hear the toddler behind you screaming for a snack. And before you know what hits, the ground starts shaking, and an earthquake rips through your temple and leaves this gigantic hole right in your pew where you and your family are sitting.

 

You’re injured. You’re bleeding. You’re in need of triage.

 

You look around, searching for help. And that’s when it stuns you to realize your pew was the only one that was hit. Everybody else around you is carrying on like nothing happened.

 

This story resonated with me because that is how I felt upon learning that my youngest child, aged 13 at the time, identified as LGBTQIA2S+. I come from a conservative faith background, the LDS faith, born and raised just like my parents, just like their parents, and their parents’ parents. I knew the tenets of my faith.

 

I had been taught how to think and what to believe about LGBTQIA2S individuals. It wasn’t okay for a person to be LGBTQIA2S. It was a choice.

 

It was an abomination. It was sinful, especially to act on it, even to the point that it prevented them and possibly their families from living with God in what the LDS faith believes to be the next life or the next step of progression. This thought absolutely petrified me.

 

I thought, surely we can figure out a way for my kiddo to fit into this heteronormative box. Because you see, I knew all about checking boxes. I have checked many in my own life.

 

I was born in a faith. I was baptized at eight. At 12, I entered the youth program.

 

I was president of many of my youth classes. I learned Spanish and served a Spanish-speaking mission. I was married in one of the LDS temples, the highest place of worship, and then started a family.

 

The thought of not checking this box of eternal family was something I could not bear. The cognitive dissonance was absolutely overwhelming. I felt my soul ripping apart.

 

Pulled in polar opposite directions between two things that I deeply cared about, and it nearly broke me. I remember one day, while I was walking down the stairs in our home, I was paralyzed. I was paralyzed with fear, and I couldn’t breathe.

 

I quietly prayed aloud, I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know what I’m doing, and I don’t know what’s next. I’m scared.

 

I feel lost. Help me, please. And almost immediately, I felt this blanket of peace settle over me, as I received a very clear message to slow down, to see the child in front of me, the way God sees them, to focus on their heart, to see their soul.

 

This was the beginning of God taking my heart, that had been broken wide open, and giving it a makeover. What was it for? Was it just performative? What good are external boxes if it hadn’t affected me internally? Because, after all, it’s what’s on the inside that counts, right? How many times have I said that, or heard that, over the years? Over the next days, weeks, months, years, God changed my heart. I began walking through a refiner’s fire.

 

I say began to, because this is an ongoing process. As I began to see folks, my kiddo and others, not their hair, or clothes, or their tattoos, piercings, earrings, or material possessions. Instead, I began to see their hearts.

 

I began to see beautiful souls, fellow children of this gigantic family of God. I began to see the divinity that already exists within each one. And I believe I began to see them more like God would.

 

For their talents, abilities, strengths, weaknesses, joys, sorrows, characteristics as they go through this journey. I learned that queer folks were forcing me to lean into discomfort and examine some very long-held beliefs. Publishing my book, by publishing my book, my hope is to reach and connect with others.

 

That we may find we have so much more in common, and we have differences. That when we fill the spectrum of human emotions, from sorrow and despair, to sadness and depression, all the way to delight and bliss, and the pure joy that comes from unapologetic living, that we will feel connected. From the server in the coffee shop, to the family with children playing in the park, the person of color standing in front of you at the grocery checkout, or the same-sex couple down the street, or the pastor who preaches at the local church each Sunday, whether it’s the church you attend or not, or if you don’t attend any church.

 

Our real stories do more than touch hearts. They break them wide open. The cracks and the crevices from the break is how the light and the love enters in.

 

This is connection. From the epilogue of my book, I leave you with these words. Dear reader, may the opening of my heart and sharing of my ponderings along my journey create a spark in your soul.

 

May this spark, when fanned with compassion, interest, and curiosity, burst into flames that will exponentially grow into an all-consuming fire throughout humanity. And may this fire create the warmth and heart-to-heart connection that can only come from sharing our sacred stories, which are our truth. You don’t need to be a writer nor publish a book to connect.

 

An open heart, curious mind, and compassionate soul is all that is needed. Nothing needs to be fixed when the goal is connection. Listening for the sake of listening has immeasurable meaning and profound effects on the sharer and the listener.

 

I have repeatedly found that when I vulnerably share my raw, messy story, it is an unspoken invitation for others to share theirs with me. Not by force, not out of obligation, or as a social transaction. In other words, maybe she or he or they will like me or accept me if I share, for instance.

 

No, this is the undeniable, unparalleled experience of sharing on purpose. Feeling connected on a cellular level to all the wonder, cosmic creations, and divine souls around us. There is nothing like it.

 

In the second-to-last line of my epilogue, I invite, Don’t be stingy with your storytelling. May you tell them all, tell them wide, and tell them freely. Thank you so much for joining me today.

 

Until next time. Visit MeganSkidmoreCoaching.com to find this podcast and additional free resources, including the link for a complimentary coaching session. Follow me on Facebook or Instagram for more, or to send me a DM.

 

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