Episode 217: What to do with old pain

Hey, welcome to today’s episode of Living Beyond the Shadow of Doubt. I have had some things on my mind that I want to share with you today. And it starts with something that happened a few years ago.

 

I strained my back and pulled a muscle right above my left hip. I couldn’t stand up straight or hardly walk for the first 48 plus hours. I couldn’t sleep on that side of my body for weeks, maybe even longer.

 

I was in so much pain. What this did is it forced me to slow down and take an overall view at my physical well-being and in my physical state and how I was caring for it. After several months went by, I don’t remember exactly how long, it eventually healed.

 

But since then, I have learned that there are times when it flares up and it is in the same spot. It affects the same muscles. They get inflamed.

 

And it’s a reminder to take special care, to give the needed attention to that part of my lower back, around that hip area, and to slow down because if I don’t, then I run the risk of pulling it again, possibly, or even worsening the situation. I remember the first time that this happened. A flare-up happened and not being able to bend, to use that muscle.

 

I was restricted in movement and I resisted it. I tried to ignore it because I didn’t want it to be so. It was painful and that similar feeling pain came back and I thought it had healed fully.

 

So I was kind of in denial. But just because it had healed to the point of being able to walk on it, sleep on it, engage in exercise once again, didn’t mean the underlying scar from that initial damage wasn’t there and wasn’t susceptible. To being activated in some way.

 

Some people use the word triggered. I like to use the word activated. And I’ve learned that our emotional, mental, spiritual wounds are very much like our physical wounds.

 

We can do all the work that we think is needed and come to a place of feeling so much better, of feeling healed and functioning better for a while. And then something happens. A circumstance, a conversation with a person or group of persons, a situation maybe outside of our control and something about this event can activate us.

 

And then we begin to feel that same old familiar pain yet again. And it’s normal and natural to want to resist that. Perhaps we think it’s behind us and we’ve grown beyond it or we should have grown past it by now.

 

And it’s up to us what we make of it and what we make it mean. And we can make it mean a lot of things. That we did something wrong or we didn’t do enough the first time around.

 

Or we find evidence of how we didn’t do it correctly. Or we can lean into and accept that this is a natural course of healing. Healing is not a one and done thing.

 

Our emotions are energy. And energy, I’ve learned, doesn’t disappear. It changes form.

 

And so sometimes that energy needs different attention than others. Sometimes it has different needs than others. And all of it is okay.

 

We can make it be okay. Recently, I have had some old shame and very old pain rear its ugly head. And this old pain is associated with that shame that I mentioned.

 

And wrapped inside of that shame are emotions. Emotions. Emotions that I haven’t wanted to let out or address or admit that they’re there.

 

And this is the case even when I think that I have addressed them. That I have gone through the steps of healing, of having compassion for myself, of loving myself. And I haven’t wanted to deal with that anger, that hurt, that feeling not enoughness that has come as a result of this old pain and this old shame being activated.

 

I have not wanted to deal with the anger, the hurt, the feeling not enough or not belonging or not fitting in or not even belonging to myself that is associated with this old pain and this old hurt. But earlier this week, as I’ve been moving through this energy with support, so important and there’s no shame in getting support. I think it’s vital.

 

Just like when I injured my back, I got some attention, some support, sorry. So earlier this week, I had an aha moment. I realized this is old pain.

 

This is old shame. It is familiar to me. It’s not the first time I have felt it or experienced it.

 

And when I got really curious and compassionate towards myself, towards trying to get to the bottom of what was going on, even though I couldn’t pinpoint exactly the first time maybe that I had felt this type of pain, this type of shame, I decided that didn’t necessarily matter in order to commit myself to moving through them, addressing them in the here and the now, in the present moment. Opening your heart, your experience, your life and fully stepping into authenticity and vulnerability is really the perfect recipe for activating old shame, old pain. For activating our old pain, whatever that might surface, as in my case, it came up as insecurities.

 

And that old shame of not feeling like I fit in or of not belonging even to myself and not being good enough. Not just feeling not good enough, but like my existence, like my being. So that I think was really one of the biggest clues.

 

Oh, I have felt this before. If you followed my story, then you know I’ve been on two docuseries this year, 2025, Writers Island and Legacy Makers. And just because you go on two docuseries and open up your heart, potentially to the world, doesn’t mean that there’s some miraculous change and that all of those human wounds that you’ve experienced magically heal or go away or get smaller or less potent, fill in the blank for whatever feels aligned or feels right to you.

 

And that is the one thing that I really appreciate about being in the communities that I am a part of. Both Kira Britton and her companies, JLA Publishing and the Mosaic Network, and Sarah Trautkos, my Emotional Alchemy Master Teacher, whose certification I recently completed and I’m going to be doing the second part soon. Everyone in each of these communities is the real deal.

 

We don’t hide from ourselves. We don’t hide from each other. Of course, we give one another the space and the grace to allow whatever is needed, to move through whatever comes up, and that is a part of support.

 

And love is also part of the support that is available within these communities. So if you find yourself experiencing things that you realize are familiar, emotions, or even acting on those emotions in a familiar way, ask yourself, when have I felt this before? Or is this the first time I have felt this pain? And if not, when else? You may or may not remember. It might be something you have felt for so long, you don’t remember the first time that you did, like in my case.

 

Do this from a place of compassion, suspending judgment. This is information you are looking for, not to, not evidence. And it’s most likely connected to previous wounds that you’ve experienced. 

 

Sometimes this is hard to do for ourselves. I offer a safe container, which is another word for a group, within which to exercise this curiosity, this compassion, and discover old wounds and address them. I invite you to join me. 

 

All that is shared remains within the group. All participants agree to this or risk being excused permanently. For me, safety is paramount for all who are present. 

 

Go to paperbell.me forward slash Megan hyphen Skidmore to sign up for my first Friday’s free coaching. You can also go to the link in the show notes. And from there, I will also share other ways to work with me.

 

Thank you so much for being here. Until next time.