Episode 209: Stories of Surrender with Sri Kali Katori Dasya Bhakti

Victoria, my friend, how are you? I’m so thrilled to have you on Living Beyond the Shadow of Doubt today. I already feel like I know you, even though we just met at the beginning of this year. I feel like we’ve connected on multiple occasions, and I’m thrilled to add one more to that list.

I’m so good, thank you! Thank you so much.

I’m excited for our guests to get to know you and hear your story. Let’s just jump right in—start by sharing about your background, where you’re from, who you’re from, and the significant parts of your journey that led you here.

Yeah, well, I just want to start by saying thank you for having me here. It’s really an honor and a privilege, and I truly appreciate the invitation. And wow, what it took for us to make this happen—thank goodness for guides and angels, right?

Yes, we had a few hiccups! We could definitely say that.

Yeah, it was interesting—really interesting.
So, where I’m from: I was born and raised in Phoenix, Arizona, to very young parents. My mom was 19 when she had me, and my dad was 26. I was actually born into a religious cult and spent my first three, three and a half years there. It was Christian-based, but very strict, rigid, toxic, and abusive.

Wow, I don’t think I realized that.

Yeah, it definitely shaped a lot of my unconscious wiring, because the first three years of your life are so foundational. Once my parents got out of that, I didn’t have much religious upbringing. My brother and I would go to church on Easter Sunday, and that was about it. I didn’t really come back to God until I was around 18 or 19, when I went through my own dark night of the soul and hit rock bottom.

They say the great thing about being at the bottom is there’s only one way to look—and that’s up.

Exactly! In the middle of my addiction, when all I wanted to do was die (and I tried—there’s a story behind that), I remember thinking there had to be something bigger than me. I began to sense that I was here for a reason and could be guided, that I didn’t have to figure everything out on my own. But it took decades of searching to find what worked and what didn’t.

Thank you for giving us that foundation. I can’t imagine how being raised in a cult environment affected you. And you mentioned struggling with addiction. Thank you for trusting your story with me and those listening. You felt like you were at the bottom of the bottom. So tell me—what were the breadcrumbs or angels, maybe real-life angels, who helped you start finding God again?

Hello—one of those angels was Beth, a manager at Kinko’s Copies. Do you remember Kinko’s, before FedEx bought them?

Yes, I do! Sometimes I still look for them out of habit.

Beth came into my life when I was unemployed for a couple of years during my addiction. I had just finished a short janitorial job at a grocery store, but my health was so poor that I couldn’t handle much physical work. I was malnourished, extremely skinny, and had no muscle strength.

Across the street from that grocery store, a new Kinko’s Copies was opening. One morning I saw it and wandered over. My mom, bless her heart, had taken me back into her home but told me I had to stay clean and work to pay rent—no exceptions. I met with Beth, and I got hired.

During training, my brain was so scrambled that I couldn’t even understand how to take an order for a copy. I was convinced I was stupid and couldn’t do the job. On day two, I broke down, sobbing, and called Beth to quit. I told her, “I’m too stupid for this job.”

Beth paused and said, “Just take a breath. How about if you take today off? I have a position where all you need to do is greet people and point them where they need to go. Do you think you can do that?”

I took a breath and said yes. I came back the next day and helped set up the store. I stayed there for six months. That woman saved my life. I’ve looked for her over the years but haven’t found her yet. I hope one day I can thank her.

Wow.

Yes, it was moments like that—breadcrumbs, little acts of grace and generosity—that kept me going. I truly believe we are all angels here, walking each other home.

That resonates for me. So as you began opening your heart and finding your path again, I know you eventually joined a new congregation but later moved on. I’d love to know how claiming your autonomy played a role in your journey.

Sometimes when the path takes an unexpected turn, doubts and big questions arise. I’ve learned that doubt isn’t a problem—it’s part of the process. Faith and doubt are two sides of the same coin. Can you think of times when you had to truly claim your journey for yourself?

There have been many. That seems to be how life works. One path I took was joining the Mormon church in 2011. I’ve always been a seeker and curious about different faiths. We moved to Mesa, Arizona—right in the heart of Mormon country. I had a girlfriend in California, and I joked, “Aren’t these missionaries supposed to come knock on my door?” And within a week, they did!

We did the six weeks of lessons, and they invited me to get baptized. When I prayed, I didn’t ask, “Is this the one true church?” Instead, I asked, “Is this the next step? Does this serve the highest good?” And every time, the answer was yes. So I got baptized and was active for about five years.

But I began to have dissonance. I read Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramahansa Yogananda, and it felt like home. While still attending church, I was in the celestial room of the temple one day, meditating, and I had a vision of Jesus. He said, “This is not what I meant.” I looked up at the huge chandelier, and then I heard, “I came from a humble manger.”

I knew in that moment that I couldn’t stay. I loved the community and the support, but my spiritual path had shifted. I transitioned into a yogic path, which I’ve now been practicing and studying for decades.

Thank you for sharing that so openly. I love hearing people authentically share their spiritual experiences. They are so unique and custom-made for each of us.

When I’ve claimed my own spiritual autonomy, I’ve experienced growth, stretching, and true joy. That’s why this podcast is called Living Beyond the Shadow of Doubt. The shadow exists because there’s light. I’d love to hear about moments of joy and bliss you’ve experienced as you’ve followed your inner wisdom and taken the reins of your journey.

I love the name of the podcast. You’re so right—shadow and light coexist. We live in a world full of dichotomies; one can’t exist without the other. It’s easy, especially for those who’ve experienced trauma, to get stuck in the shadow.

I had this visual while thinking of your question—a cloud named “doubt,” and the “living beyond” is the silver lining. The sweetness of life is in that silver lining. There will always be doubt, and there will always be shadow. As the Bible says, we must know sorrow to know joy.

For those of us dealing with addiction—and I’d argue that’s everyone, in some form—it’s vital to remember both light and shadow. Our full power comes when we embrace both, rather than bypassing or hiding from the shadow.

Yes. Sometimes shadow keeps us from seeing our true divinity. But on the other side of the shadow is light. There are no shortcuts to that growth process. As Michelangelo said, “I saw the angel and carved it out.” That’s how we find the angel within ourselves. You’ve answered my favorite question beautifully: What does it mean to you to live beyond the shadow of doubt? Your answer was perfect.

Thank you!

Before we close, please tell listeners about your current work.

There is a book! It’s called The Truth of Ruth, which is my birth name. I was given that title 30 years ago. The book is about stories of surrender and living my soul’s purpose.

I love the word “surrender.” It’s so powerful.

Yes, surrender is trusting that life is happening for us. God, the universe—whatever name you give it—has our back. Everything happens for the highest good, even if we can’t see it at the time.

The book is written, and I’m working on the second revision. I originally wrote it in journal style, assuming no one would read it, but now I’m editing it for public release. My goal is to release it on my 52nd birthday—January 5, 2026.

As for my current work, I offer yoga classes. I’ve been teaching since 2010 and practicing for 18 years. I also focus on sound healing—using my voice as an instrument for healing—and I now teach others how to do the same.

That’s beautiful. If people want to connect or learn more, what’s the best way?

Right now, social media is best. I don’t have a website yet, but it’s in progress. On Facebook, I’m Katori Noor. On Instagram, I’m @Kali.Katori.Dasia.Bakti.

We’ll include that in the show notes for easy access. It’s been such a pleasure having you on today. Thank you for sharing your spirit, your being, and your journey with us.

Thank you so much.