Episode 207: Creating My Own Roadmap with Michael Okuda

Hey everyone, welcome to today’s episode of Living Beyond the Shadow of Doubt. I’m so excited for this conversation. I have so much love and admiration for you. I think we’ve known each other for almost two years now.

Yeah, maybe a little over a year. I moved to Dallas about a year ago and reached out to you a little before that.

Something like that. I have zero concept of time, clearly. Anyway, yes, we’ve known each other for a bit. You’ve been in the DFW area for over a year, like you said. We met through an online gathering group, and I loved hearing your story—how you’re doing, and how you’re navigating your faith journey, life, and your profession. I’m excited to share that with everyone, especially during Pride Month. You’re in a unique position, being part of the LGBTQ+ community while coming from a conservative LDS background. I’m looking forward to you sharing your story with our listeners.

I’m looking forward to sharing.

Thank you. I know it takes courage to open up like this, so thank you. Let’s jump right in—can you share a bit about your background? Whatever feels comfortable—your family, your faith, anything that connects to your story.

Right now, I live in Dallas and have been here for about a year. I moved right after graduating from BYU, where I earned a bachelor’s in statistics. I’ll be starting an online master’s in analytics at Georgia Tech this fall, with the goal of going into data science.

I grew up in Kentucky, where I spent most of my life. After high school, I did a year at BYU, served a two-year mission in Seattle, and then returned to finish school. My parents moved to Idaho after I graduated high school. My dad, who’s a professor, now teaches IT at BYU-Idaho. My parents are finishing a three-year mission this month as mission leaders in Guam and the Micronesian Islands. I’m the youngest of three kids—my brother lives in Connecticut, and my sister lives in Utah.

I grew up in a strong LDS household. My dad converted to the church as a teenager in Japan, and my mom was born in the church. My dad served as stake president throughout my middle and high school years, so the gospel was central to our lives. I’ve always loved the values of the gospel—developing relationships with God and others, learning from choices, and the idea of forgiveness and growth.

Growing up, I viewed life as a roadmap: graduate high school, serve a mission, attend college, marry a woman, and stay faithful. Preparing for my mission was a big focus for me. I also really wanted to attend BYU because there weren’t many LDS members in Kentucky, and I longed to be around people who shared my faith.

I’m guessing there weren’t many LDS members where you grew up?

No, not really. The stake boundaries were huge—three to four hours wide. My dad would travel constantly to visit people.

That sounds like my upbringing in Indiana. For those not familiar with LDS terms, a “stake” is like a larger group of congregations overseen by a leader, similar to how other churches have pastors or bishops for larger regions. It’s a lot of responsibility.

I love talking about the uniqueness of faith journeys—the beautiful, messy, and deeply human parts. My podcast is about navigating doubt and faith. I know for me, when I first had doubts or questions, I resisted them and felt shame, thinking it meant I wasn’t faithful enough. Over time, I realized doubt isn’t the opposite of faith—certainty is. Doubt and faith are like two sides of the same coin. Doubt pushes us to grow, seek, and understand.

So I’d love to hear about moments in your journey where your experience clashed with what you were taught, and how you navigated that.

There are a couple of things. One is growing up as a gay Latter-day Saint, and the other is navigating life with my Asian background. Even though I grew up in the U.S., my Japanese heritage was always part of my identity.

When I was younger, I dreamed of going to BYU because my siblings went there and my dad went to BYU Hawaii. It felt like the obvious choice—good education, affordable tuition, and a place where I’d be around others who understood my faith.

But BYU wasn’t exactly what I expected. While I met wonderful people, the dating culture there is intense—there’s a lot of pressure to find a spouse. Most students are looking for someone with shared values and backgrounds. That’s when I really felt my difference—not just as someone who’s Asian but because I didn’t fit the stereotypical BYU mold.

In Kentucky, I didn’t feel different because of my race. But at BYU, I often wondered if people liked me for who I was or just because I was “the stake president’s son.” That first year was especially isolating.

Did you find a sense of belonging at all?

In some ways, yes. I got involved in leadership roles, like the data science club. But at that time, I hadn’t come out to myself. By the time I graduated, I had found a small LGBTQ+ community, which helped me feel more at home.

That leads into my next question about your identity and how you love in the world. What doubts or questions did you have while coming to terms with that part of yourself?

During my first year at BYU, I hadn’t come out to myself yet. I didn’t understand romantic feelings because I always shoved them aside. I thought those feelings—especially toward other guys—were bad. I built emotional walls to hide them. I often wondered if people would still care about me if they knew the truth. That brought a lot of shame.

I convinced myself feelings didn’t matter—what mattered was following the “roadmap” and marrying a woman. On my mission, I also believed if I did everything right, I’d be happy and those feelings would go away. But I wasn’t happy. I had to face my emotions and reality.

The turning point came when I learned to genuinely love people, not out of duty but from the heart. Seattle was diverse, and being around people from different backgrounds opened my mind and heart. That helped me eventually come out to myself later.

Fast-forwarding to now, what challenges or pain points have you faced?

One challenge is finding my own purpose now that I no longer follow the traditional LDS roadmap. I had to ask myself, “What do I value? What do I want out of life?” I realized I didn’t want to marry out of duty or deny myself the chance to experience real connection and joy.

Dating guys at BYU was risky because same-sex dating is prohibited, and you could get expelled. I prayed a lot about it and didn’t get a clear answer, but my heart wanted connection. I trusted God would guide me if I was wrong. That period was hard but eye-opening.

It sounds like connection—real, meaningful connection—has been a key part of your journey.

Absolutely. Connection taught me to feel again, to let go of the walls I’d built. It’s not just about dating but about being open with people, learning from them, and allowing myself to be seen.

What does living beyond the shadow of doubt mean to you?

As long as there’s light, there’s going to be a shadow. You can’t outrun it—it’s always there. Feelings are the same way. Avoiding them doesn’t help; it’s better to acknowledge them and act from that awareness. For me, living beyond doubt means not feeling paralyzed because I don’t have all the answers. It means creating my own roadmap, making choices, and trusting I can change if I need to.

That’s so powerful. I honor you for following your heart and intentionally creating your path. It’s incredibly empowering to pause, reevaluate beliefs, and consciously choose what’s right for you.

I’ve learned that if someone doesn’t want to get to know me for me, that’s okay. I’ll find the people who do. Since moving to Dallas, I’ve been building my own roadmap—focusing on what I value: connection, my career, and finding the right relationship.

I love that. Before we wrap up, I have some fun quick questions for you:

Favorite book?
I really like A Series of Unfortunate Events.

Introvert or extrovert?
Introvert.

Favorite music artist?
I really like Blackpink, a K-pop group.

Night owl or morning person?
Night owl.

Celebrity crush?
Jonathan Bailey.

Favorite drink?
Just water.

Furthest place you’ve traveled?
Either Japan or Guam.

If people want to connect with you, where’s the best place?

Instagram is easiest—@Michael_Okuda. Or on LinkedIn if you’re career-focused.

It’s been such a pleasure having this conversation and catching up. I think the world of you. Thank you for sharing your story.