Episode 177: Having ADHD Doesn’t Mean I’m Fundamentally Flawed with Kendra Hilty

Hello! Thank you so much for having me.

I’m so pleased to have you. I’m really looking forward to getting to know you. So many of these interviews this month are with people from that mutual conference. If we hadn’t met in person before, we did there. Many I’d met online or virtually, but I hadn’t met you yet. I’m so excited to get to know your story, Kendra.

Let’s get going—tell everyone about you: who you are, where you’re from, your family, faith, profession, education—whatever you’d like to share.

Hi, everyone! I’m Kendra Hilty. I’m an ADHD coach who helps ADHDers stop the negative thought spiral and turn schedule chaos into clarity—without shame, burnout, or boring productivity hacks. My work is about helping people raise their self-esteem, master time management, and improve their health in ways that work for their brain, not against it. It’s the honor of my life to do this work.

A little about my background: I grew up in a stereotypical middle-class WASP-y home—White Anglo-Saxon Protestant. My dad’s side of the family is basically the definition of a WASP. It was me, my younger brother (eldest daughters will know the struggle!), and my parents, who are still together after almost 40 years.

We grew up going to a Presbyterian church, which is how my dad was raised. My mom grew up Catholic, so we also had a sprinkle of Catholic guilt in our upbringing—hard to shake without intentional work.

Like many neurodivergent kids, I spent much of my life feeling like an outsider. My dad struggled with emotional maturity, and my mom—who I now realize had undiagnosed ADHD—did her best, but emotional support wasn’t something I got much of growing up.

Church usually felt like a safe place for me, and it still does. I was diagnosed with ADHD in college, and my world shifted. I realized I wasn’t fundamentally flawed—that my challenges with procrastination and time management were things I could learn to manage.

That’s really beautiful. I love that.

Thank you.

I noticed the painting of the Arizona sunset behind you—are you from Arizona?

Both of my parents have Midwestern roots, but my mom joined the Air Force after nursing school and was stationed at Davis-Monthan in the mid-80s. My dad (they weren’t married yet) followed her out. Tucson used to be a hidden gem, but people are catching on. When her service ended, they decided to stay. My uncle soon followed, so I grew up surrounded by extended family.

I graduated from the University of Arizona and then moved to Portland for almost a decade, which I loved. But the call of home and family brought me back to the desert, and I’m grateful to be here.

Earlier, you mentioned feeling like an outsider, but that church felt safe.

Yes. While I had some moments of feeling different with peers, the church leaders were supportive and that made all the difference.

That’s wonderful. I’m glad you had leaders who embraced diversity.

Absolutely—and I think we should keep talking about diversity, especially for our trans brothers, sisters, and children.

Agreed.

On this podcast, we often talk about how faith journeys evolve, especially when we realize something new. For you, learning that you weren’t fundamentally flawed must have been huge. Can you speak to that process?

I grew up believing something was wrong with me and that I was unfixable. I carried that into my 20s and 30s. Getting my ADHD diagnosis in college helped, but the childhood wounds still ran the show.

It wasn’t until I got sober from alcohol in 2021 that I began to truly like myself and rekindle my relationship with God. Before that, I looked for love in others—especially men—which led me to relationships that reflected my low self-worth. That reinforced my belief that I was unlovable.

Untangling that belief has been some of the most important work of my life. The biggest shift came when I learned cognitive behavioral therapy, or positive cognitive reframing—the understanding that feelings come from thoughts, and that changing our thoughts can change how we feel.

I started catching my negative inner dialogue and replacing it with rational, compassionate thoughts. For example, instead of thinking, “I’m a loser, I can’t do anything right,” I tell myself, “I’m human, I make mistakes, and that’s okay.” That shift has changed everything.

That’s powerful. Did you study counseling?

No—I studied business and worked in retail for 12 years. Coaching found me. I’m a projector in Human Design, so my role is to guide others when invited. I started tutoring ADHD middle and high schoolers, and their moms eventually asked me to coach them too. That’s how my coaching career began.

Now I work mostly with adults but still have some teen clients—it’s so important to instill self-esteem early.

We met at the Success Codes Live event in January. How did you get connected to that community?

Through my cousin Christy, who’s been a hero to me my whole life. She introduced me to Human Design and helped deepen my relationship with God. One day I prayed for a woman to help me grow my business. Two days later, Christy called saying she’d received a channeled message to invite me to Success Codes.

At the event, I learned Kira helps people channel their books—something I’ve wanted to do for years, especially a memoir. I also had a huge breakthrough during a breathwork session that released heaviness I’d carried in my heart for months. It felt like multiple prayers were answered in just two days.

That’s incredible. Kira’s vulnerability and authenticity are inspiring, and I agree—vulnerability begets vulnerability.

Exactly.

I like to end with a question that reflects my podcast title: what does “living beyond the shadow of doubt” mean to you?

It means trusting that God (or the universe, or your higher self) will always support me, even through the shadows and doubts. In fact, those are the times God is especially present. I am never alone.

Beautiful. Let’s wrap with a few fun questions. Favorite book?

Sober Curious by Ruby Warrington—it inspired me to get sober.

Introvert or extrovert?

Extrovert who loves her alone time.

Favorite artist?

Peachka—she calls herself “your favorite healer’s favorite artist.”

Night owl or morning lark?

Naturally a night owl, but trying to be a morning lark because I feel better when I wake up early.

Celebrity crush?

Barack Obama—he was the first president I voted for, and I admire what he did for the country.

Still or carbonated water?

Carbonated water, and still water with electrolytes.

Furthest place you’ve traveled?

Greece—also my favorite place.

Kendra, it’s been a pleasure having you here.

Thank you! Listeners can find me on Instagram at @kendra.hilty for ADHD-friendly strategies, or email me at info@kendrahiltycoaching.com.

We’ll include that in the show notes. This has been fantastic.

It’s been my pleasure!