Episode 173: No More Betraying Myself with Christine Skalka

Hey, Christine, how are you?

Yay.

So excited to be here with you today.

I am so thrilled. I have been loving these conversations. And you know, I just met you at the Joa Collective middle of January, and here we are, second week of February, and I feel like I already know so much about you. Before I hit record, we were talking about how the past month feels like several lifetimes.

Yeah. Speedy, huh?

Because of the shifts that so many of us have made and the layers that we have shed and peeled back, and the new, the next version of ourselves has shown up and continues to show up.

Yeah.

So I’m really excited to share your story and share more about you with our listeners. So let’s just get into gear and go for it. Take a moment and tell us all about you, where you’re from, and how you got to where you’re at today.

Oh, my goodness, it’s funny! When I look at my life — there was a show on TV that used to be Jerry Springer.

The Jerry Springer show — the outrageous family stories.

That was my life growing up.

Oh, okay.

Pretty crazy like that. My mother got pregnant when she was 15.

Okay.

She married someone who wasn’t my biological father, but he took me in as his own. Three years later, they had a little boy, and then a year after that they got divorced.

Okay.

I didn’t get to see my mom very often. When she passed away 6 years ago, we had a great relationship, but back then my father got remarried.

Not a good situation.

I remember sitting at the window just waiting for my mom to come visit, and she wouldn’t show. I wasn’t allowed to call her “mom.”

So there’s a lot of things. I was young when that all happened. Well, they ended up getting divorced again, and then it gets very “Jerry Springery.” My father married my mom’s sister.

Wow, I didn’t know all of this.

No. So he married her sister, but my brother and I never went to live with them because we stayed with my grandparents. They often took us to my aunt and uncle’s house, because they had a boy and a girl too. We were all really close.

My aunt and uncle ended up adopting us.

Okay.

I remember the day we got adopted — it was Halloween. We went into the courthouse, and there’s such a need to feel like you belong. So my aunt and uncle adopted us, and after we left the courtroom, I went into the restroom.

I walked out of the stall, and in walks my mom and her sister — the one married to my dad previously. My mom was crying. I hadn’t seen her for years. I was rushed out by my aunt.

Outside, my brother’s biological father told us, “Remember, I always love you.” Then he got in the car and left.

My grandpa wanted to make sure we weren’t put into the foster system. My aunt and uncle stepped up. Later, I found out my mom had no idea we were being adopted. She found out from someone in public the day of and rushed to the courthouse, but missed us. She was heartbroken.

For years, I just felt like I wasn’t wanted. I was 9 when my aunt and uncle adopted us. I grew up in a small town. My adopted father ended up abusing me. People would say, “Oh, you got adopted! That’s so wonderful.” But it really wasn’t.

My senior year, my adopted dad told me what happened to me also happened to my brother, and if I said anything, the family would be torn apart and all the kids put in foster care. So I stayed quiet.

I opened up years later. I was always protective of my kids.

After I got married, I got a call from someone named Tassie who said she was my sister. She told me we had the same birth mom. I learned my mom had two more kids — a brother and a sister. My sister always knew about me. I didn’t know how to process it, because growing up, my birth mom was never spoken highly of.

It took years to accept her and let her in. I eventually learned she never knew about the adoption and had been heartbroken. As a mom myself, I couldn’t imagine that pain. We built a loving relationship until she passed away. She and my grandmother were the first people I ever felt unconditional love from.

Two big lessons I learned: One, I never want anyone to feel unloved. And two, I grew up in a strong LDS community, wanting so badly to be worthy of God’s love, believing it was conditional. I’ve since learned God’s love is unconditional.

My faith journey shifted as I started listening inward and trusting my spiritual awakening. Eventually, I left the LDS church after learning things — like polygamy — that never felt right and seeing them confirmed in official sources.

I still have dear friends and family in the faith and honor their choice, but I felt deceived and had to step away.

I’ve also had personal awakenings, like realizing my brother is gay and rejecting the belief that God would push someone away for that.

Over time, I found my voice. My divorce after nearly 30 years was the first time I truly stood up for myself. I learned to love myself, to know I am lovable, and that my life is mine to live — not just to make everyone else happy.

I no longer betray myself. Even betrayal from others, I’ve realized, was often them betraying themselves. Letting go brought joy and strength.

To me, living beyond the shadow of doubt means knowing who you are, honoring your journey, and embracing all the experiences that awaken you to your true self.

I love that perspective. It makes it sacred. It makes all of it — you view it through the eyes of the bigger picture, the eternal progression, the journey, the path to become who we already are, just more refined and more awake.

Well, I think you even said the word earlier, when we were speaking about awakening. Sometimes it’s like this remembrance — “Oh yeah, that feels delicious. That’s right. That’s who I am.”

Yeah.

Well, I can’t wait for you to write your story, which is being published through Joan of Arc Publishing, and share that with the world.

So I just have some for-fun questions to wrap up — just looking for one- or two-word answers. Tell us your favorite book.

That’s a good one. Right now, it’s always whatever I’m reading currently. The one I’m reading right now is by Florence Scovel Shinn — The Game of Life and How to Play It.

That’s a good one.

I love that one right now. I think it’s amazing that it was written so long ago and still holds so much truth that awakens your soul. Doesn’t it connect you to humanity, knowing it was written over 100 years ago, and it still speaks to us? I think it’s amazing you and I get to write a book, too. What a legacy.

Okay — are you an introvert or an extrovert?

Extrovert.

Who’s your favorite artist?

My brother Ken. He’s an amazing singer. When you hear him sing, it’s like, “Where did that come from?” He’d always joke, “She’s the pretty one, but I’m the talented one.”

A night owl or a morning lark?

Morning. My kids used to tell me, “Mom, you’re here,” and they’d lower their hand, “We need you here.”

That’s great. And your celebrity crush?

It used to be Paul Walker from Fast and Furious, but he passed away.

Still or carbonated water?

Water with some flavor. I’ve done diet drinks, but I’m not really a big soda person.

And the furthest place you’ve traveled?

Belize — and yes, they speak English there. We went with friends, so it was nice.

Well, tell folks how they can connect with you.

Instagram — my page is @thechristineofficial. That’s the best way to get in touch.

We’ll leave that in the show notes so people can follow you and watch as your story unfolds and gets published.

Thank you so much, Christine. This has been just a joy to chat with you.

Thank you, and thank you for being part of my journey on this path.

Same, right back at you.

Our hearts together. Thank you so much for opening and sharing with me, and letting me see your beautiful soul.

So much love.

Yes.