Anita and her husband (Ben) have been active in the LDS church their entire lives. Six years ago their family’s story had a “plot twist” when their oldest child came out as queer at the age of 18. This led to Anita’s deconstruction and reconstruction of her faith so that she can stay connected to God and her faith, even when things are hard at church. Today, two of their kids are out as transgender or gender non-conforming as well as queer. Anita has been involved with Lift+Love as a group leader for the Parents of Transgender/Non-Binary Kids group since 2021. She has found strength as she has connected with other parents who understand the pain points that exist for families striving to stay engaged in the LDS faith and also supportive of their kids’ identities. She believes very strongly that her first responsibility as a mother is to love her children the way that God loves them – fully and without reservation.
Connect with Anita on Instagram: @parenting_in_the_wilderness
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Beyond the Shadow of Doubt™ is a proud member of the Dialogue Podcast Network found at DialogueJournal.com/podcasts. Part of the Dialogue Journal, the Dialogue Podcast Network was founded by Eugene England, a Mormon writer, teacher and scholar. “My faith encourages my curiosity and awe,” Gene wrote in the very first issue of the journal. “It thrusts me out into relationship with all creation” and “encourages me to enter into dialogue.” My hope is that this podcast is an extension of his vision.
Hopeful Spaces is a Dallas Hope Charities component of Hopeful Discussions, which is sponsored by Mercedes-Benz Financial Services USA. Hopeful Spaces is a monthly parent support group facilitated by Meagan Skidmore Coaching. To join Hopeful Spaces send an email to chc@dallashopecharities.org.
Welcome everyone to Beyond the Shadow of Doubt.
For today’s episode, I have a very special guest with me. I’ve wanted to have her on for quite some time, so the fact that we’re able to have this conversation today is deeply meaningful. Welcome to the podcast.
Thank you. Glad to be here.
She is a fellow mama of at least one child who identifies as LGBTQ+, and I believe there are more. But I want her to have the opportunity to introduce herself and share with listeners about her background and origin story.
Sure. My husband and I have been married almost 25 years. We met within days of returning home from full-time missionary service in our church. We got home two days apart, started talking because no one else wanted to hear mission stories, got engaged, and married that year.
Both of us are second-generation members of the church. We were married and sealed in the temple, raised four kids, did all the things—family home evening, callings, scripture study. I like to call us a cliché: married, minivan, four kids. I was a stay-at-home mom before going back to work.
Then came what I call a plot twist. In 2018, our oldest had just gone to college. One day in the car they asked, “Mom, would you ever kick me out?” I was stunned. Then they said, “I’m pansexual.” Over time, that understanding shifted to identifying as transmasculine.
Later, another one of our kids came out as non-binary. So, two of our kids identify within the LGBTQ+ community. Our youngest two, still at home, are 16 and almost 14. Our older kids are no longer attending church, while the younger ones still go with us.
Every family member has navigated this differently. Before sharing publicly, I got full permission from my kids. Their stories are theirs. I can tell mine, but not theirs without consent.
Boundaries have become a huge part of this journey. Growing up in church culture, we weren’t taught healthy boundaries. When your child identifies differently, you learn quickly to respect their autonomy.
For me, the experience created a paradigm shift in my faith. At first, I wanted to keep my kids connected to the church—scripture study, bishop visits, all the things. But when I prayed, the answer I got was simple: love them the way God loves them—without restraint.
That wasn’t the answer I wanted. I wanted a “fix.” But over time, I realized there was nothing to fix. My kids’ souls are beautiful.
I had to deconstruct my testimony. Before, I would have described it like an arch with the Book of Mormon as the keystone. But arches collapse if one stone crumbles. So I carefully disassembled my beliefs and rebuilt them like a pyramid. At the foundation: Jesus Christ and His love.
That became my certainty. Even when I don’t know everything else, I know Christ is big enough for the complexities of mortal life.
Orientation and gender identity are different. Orientation is who you’re attracted to emotionally or physically. Gender identity is who you are inside. They are distinct.
Too often, society and church culture enforce stereotypes—men as breadwinners, women as homemakers. But those are social constructs. God’s love isn’t tied to stereotypes.
Policies restricting LGBTQ+ youth from classes, restrooms, or callings don’t protect anyone. They exclude. And exclusion is not love.
At the heart of this, what I want for my kids is belonging. Not a false “happily ever after,” but real love, connection, and community.