Episode 117: Why are we so afraid of change?

I watched the 10 Commandments on Easter Sunday. Like the original 1952 version with Charlton Heston. Although not a fan of the depiction of women no matter how accurate it may be for that time period, I do appreciate the reenactment and literal storytelling of Moses and the children of Israel.

It occurred to me that there were two great opposing forces one vying for change (the Hebrews wanting their freedom) and the other fighting it literally to the death (Pharaoh and the Egyptians wanting to keep the Hebrews in bondage). I assume if you are listening that you know the story, and that this was not a process that happened overnight.

We don’t know the exact amount of time over which the plagues occurred. Some sources say 5-6 months, others say each of the plagues couldn’t have lasted more than two weeks each.  Regardless, we could agree that this process of Pharoah’s heart changing, this process of change is complex. It has many moving parts, happens overtime.

I don’t see change as an end goal. There’s always more we can aspire to and become. I’m not sure that there is a fixed point where we can say we’ve finally reached the outcome.  I don’t believe that exists. That would be the opposite of eternal progression.

So why do we resist it?  Why do we fear change?

Like Pharoah, do we only surrender to change when the price of remaining in place is higher than the cost of change? Perhaps. What does that say about our perception of change? Our ability to lean into and even embrace it? Why perpetual fear surrounding this topic?

Brene’ Brown said “Change is uncomfortable and hard as hell.”  That’s one actually two reasons.

https://brenebrown.com/podcast/courage-in-the-midst-of-change/

In faith based settings, biblically speaking, the use of the word repentance is often equated with change. 

Scripturally speaking, defined, Repentance is a change of heart and mind that brings us closer to God. (https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/youth/learn/ap/atonement/repent?lang=eng#:~:text=Jesus%20Christ%20suffered%20the%20penalty,desire%20to%20obey%20His%20commandments.)

In the Old Testament, two Hebrew words help us understand repentance. The first is the word nacham, which means to turn around or to change your mind. The second is the word sub. It is used over 600 times in the Old Testament and is translated by such words as “turn,” “return,” “seek,” or “restore.” You often see it in phrases like “to turn to the Lord with all your heart.”

When you come to the New Testament, you need to know the Greek word metanoia, which literally means “to change the mind.” Repentance fundamentally means to change your mind about something. It has to do with the way you think about something. You’ve been thinking one way, but now you think the opposite way. That’s repentance — the changing of the mind.

(https://www.christianity.com/wiki/christian-terms/what-does-it-mean-to-repent.html)

Very interesting take.  According to this original meaning, repentance seems to be less of a focus on good vs evil but rather, more of a focus on leaving old ways behind, changing your mind about them, gaining new perspective, evolving into the next best version of you, expanding or some call it upleveling. 

We are literally becoming a different person. 

From from a mental health standpoint, this is much healthier focus; there tends to bring up shame (and then subsequently your worth) if you’re focused on a bad vs good choice.

Why are we so afraid of change?

Because we don’t want to feel the emotions that the idea of change brings up.

It’s those emotions (whatever comes up for you) that we will need to feel in order to navigate change. That is what is underlying any resistance to or avoidance of change; Simply put, we do not want to experience the discomfort that comes along with change.

Think about What is something you would like to see going differently for you?  A relationship, a career move, speaking something outloud to loved ones

Ask yourself what are you fearing –

Perhaps you fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of the unknown, and you don’t want increased uncertainty and having to tolerate more ambiguity.

Whatever it is, we aren’t really taught to feel our feelings.  The paradox is, that is the only way to loosen them, dissolve them, move through them and come out on the other side.  The same way that we have physical energy that we use, we have emotional energy that needs to be expended.

We’re not always good at turning that energy into a productive fuel, however that doesn’t mean you can learn this skill!  Perhaps you have experienced this , in someway, it might look like avoidance of a situation or a person or taking action. It might look like resisting taking that next step that you know you need to take it might be remaining in a place of denial of perhaps what is already going on around you or something that seems to be inevitable… by that I mean, it could be a child graduating high school and going off to college and having the opportunity to try out adulting for the first time.

There is a way to take the energy created by whatever emotion you’re feeling and use it productively. I can help.  The next time you are feeling fear about something—anything, that’s an invitation to pause, reflect, journal perhaps and increase awareness around the fear.

What is it that makes you feel fearful?  What is coming up for you? What thoughts do you have when you’re afraid of (fill in the blank).

The reason why you want to raise your awareness is because there is a story there that is fueling the fear and when you figure that out, you will be able to release he uncomfortable emotions including fear as you examine, and dissolve the story and decide which parts to keep and which parts to let go, that aren’t serving you.

A Story,

Belief

Opinion

Thought

Synonyms for a sentence in our brain.

All create our feelings and we act from this place, whatever the emotion is.  If the emo is fear we’ll act from a place of fear.

I can help you dissolve the story by first showing you what you cannot currently see, these stories you are unable to separate yourself from.  Right now you see them as fact;  or even as part of your identity.  It is not yet in your awareness that you have a choice of whether or not to keep them.

My mentor Mira said today in MM, “fear keeps us worried about the future! our biggest enemy!”

I’d love to know your thoughts on this episode and how you experience any of these thing in life.  Send an email hello@meaganskidmorecoaching.com.

Thanks for being here.  Until next time.