Episode 81: Halloween Scaries: Things to ‘ghost’ on a faith journey

I’m Megan Skidmore and welcome to the Beyond The Shadow of Doubt. I’m a woman, daughter, sister, spouse, mother, life coach, and person of faith on a mission to normalize asking questions and allowing doubts on a faith journey and all aspects of life. Join me as I bring this traditionally taboo topic out of the shadows of shame and into the light.

I firmly believe we normalize through more talking and engaging in discussion, more talking peels back exposes and erases the layers of shame associated with asking questions and allowing doubts when we are more authentic about our journey. We are more powerful because shame has no power in the face of authenticity. Beyond the Shadow of Doubt podcast is a proud member of the dialogue podcast network, which is part of the dialogue journal found at dialogue journal dot com.

Founder Eugene England was a Mormon writer, teacher and scholar who wrote my faith encourages my curiosity and awe. It thrusts me out into relationship with all creation and encourages me to enter into dialogue. My hope is that this podcast is an extension of that vision. I am so excited to share with you that the Love Loud Music Festival is coming to the Lone Star State founded in 2017 by Dan Reynolds Love Loud is a catalyst to bring communities and families together to help

ignite the vital conversation about what it means to unconditionally love our LGBT Q plus friends and family love loud offers hope to people letting them know they’re not alone and encouraging acceptance in the home and community. It all begins with talking, sharing and showing the realities of what LGBT Q plus individuals face daily.

If you are in Texas and interested in volunteering along with me and some of your fellow Texans, please reach out and I will connect you with the right person. I would love to stand side by side and serve along with you. More information is on their website which I have listed in the show notes. Welcome to the last episode of my series Halloween Scaries.

Why did I pick this topic? Well, I started to realize my baggage was getting pretty heavy from carrying too much and perhaps you’ve noticed that yours is too. So I decided to address it. According to Wikipedia, ghosting is a term that first became popular in the early two thousands through online exchanges. And by 2015 was included in the Collins English Dictionary without any apparent warning or explanation and ignoring any subsequent attempts to communicate.

People primarily ghost in relationships as a way of avoiding emotional discomfort they are having in that relationship today, I’m not encouraging ghos in a relationship with a person or people. Rather, I’m talking about ghosting habits that don’t serve you or unhealthy practices, thought errors and anything that has the potential to inhibit progress, emotional and spiritual health as it relates to your faith journey or otherwise.

So it’s time to ghost the shame you may feel for having or a bad person, not a believer or apostate. I was afraid of that word for a very long time. It’s also time to ghost. The worry about asking your question, asking questions is how humans naturally learn. Think about a young toddler or a child, being inquisitive, curious and asking questions is the most fundamentally human thing to do.

There will never be an end to all the questions. So ask away it’s time to ghost when you’re tempted to think that you are doing it and by it, I mean, your journey, your path fill in the blank when you’re tempted to think you’re doing it wrong. If yours doesn’t look like someone else’s remind yourself you are not someone else. You are creating your own masterpiece, which is evolving in real time.

It’s time to ghost the concern you have for what others may think about you because the truth is you’ll never know. And it’s none of your business. Ask how would knowing serve you anyway? It’s time to ghost or drop or rewrite the stories that cause you pain. What would be the upside of keeping your stories, your painful stories anyway. And if you’re not sure how to identify them, that’s where I can help.

It’s time to ghost thought errors. Like I’m doing it all wrong or I should never have done XY and Z or God doesn’t love me because my journey is different than my loved ones. Or in other words, feel them versus keeping them deep inside, they only get bigger and hurt worse. The longer that they are buried, ghost, the idea that there are good emotions versus bad and consider rather that there’s just simply emotions, some of which are easier to feel than others.

Perhaps, maybe you can ask yourself what need is this anger I’m feeling, showing me is lacking in my life or what is this hurt from betrayal, teaching me about trust or about drawing healthy boundaries or how might this sorrow or sadness I feel? Show me my next steps on my path. It’s time to ghost pretending to be someone. You’re not. Anytime you deny the authenticity of your story of you, you are pretending.

And if we’re pretending we’re not truly living, we’re living as some other character that the pretending has created and that character is carrying out our story. It’s time to ghost feeling obligated to tell everyone all the details of you, your life, your story that is sacred ground and you get to choose who to let enter. Trust is earned.

And finally, it’s time to ghost saying yes to everything. Ditch the idea that your needs come last because if you do not, then eventually your body will insist that you quote, take a vacation, so to speak, to put yourself first. And that vacation may actually not look like a vacation. You might shut down emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically or any combination of those, we’ve talked about what to ghost.

Now, here’s some things to pick up and add to your journey. If you have not learn the stories you’ve created from your past and how they are affecting you now consider a different viewpoint about your past. And if you’re tempted to bury it, ask how can you learn from it? What does it teach me about what I want now or need now or could benefit me now and moving forward?

Remember the unexamined past festers and it continues to cause hurt. Follow your self compass by listening to your intuition or your inner wisdom. Pick up some self compassion. There’s always a need for grace that could even look like excusing yourself from situations that drain you that is offering yourself grace. It’s time to pick up, add to your journey.

If you have not autonomy, reclaim your sovereignty and if you’re not even sure what that might look like, let’s chat, add some self advocacy, normalize, speaking up for yourself. That can sound like what used to align with me no longer does or I see things from a different perspective now or I will not be participating. My comfort level has shifted.

Thank you for the invite you, fill in the blank for your specific situations, know your needs and acknowledge them and give yourself permission to have them met, whether that’s by you or in some other way. Another thing to add to your journey, feel your feelings. Are you running from certain emotions? Let’s talk about it. Time to add, drawing healthy boundaries, learning when and how to do so.

And I’m not just talking physical proximity to an object or to someone, but also with your time with your energy and your space choosing purposefully where you will go with whom doing what and for how long, for instance, and finally a reminder to add to your journey that no is a complete sentence and no further explanations are required. I once heard Glennon Doyle speak live and pass on her wisdom.

Her chosen response is I don’t wanna kind of said just like a toddler. It was the cutest thing ever, but that’s a valid response. I don’t want to you. Can you can honor your, your needs, honoring your needs, your wants and desires ultimately honors you. I created my signature program. Life outside the binary to address many of the things I’ve mentioned today.

Life outside the binary is when you experience an awakening and see for yourself, the world is not all black and white. You choose which of your long held stories align and live outside. The ones that don’t as a trauma informed coach, I help my clients to feel, to not only allow emotions but embrace metabolize them, heal. And in the process, we do identity work, which is examining the stories you’ve written about you as well as guiding my clients to find their top five core values

when you are going through a process of what, you know right now versus what you thought you knew versus what you’re learning. Life feels pretty topsy turvy. This helps establish a foundation in our one on one sessions. My role is to invite, guide and curate an experience that is pretty much custom made for you that creates a safe place from which to take these leaps of faith.

As you learn to trust yourself in a new way, it takes work to attempt to expand your view and think outside a two D binary world. When we live in a four D realm. What things have you ghosted on your faith journey? What did I miss? Send me an email or set up a complimentary discover coaching call and let’s chat the links to do so. Hopeful Spaces is a Dallas Hope Charities component of hopeful discussion sponsored by Mercedes Benz Financial Services USA.

It’s a free monthly parent ally or caregiver support group, facilitated by Megan Skidmore coaching email CHC at Dallas Hope Charities dot org. For more info, beginning October 5th, the Dallas Hope Charity’s Collective Hope coalition will be hosting their first ever book club and wrap up in November in honor of Hunger and Homelessness Awareness Week, November 13th through the 18th.

Discussing Doctor Brandon Andrew Robinson’s book coming out to the streets and how the book ties in to the Dallas. Hope charities fight to end hopelessness. If you would like more information, please send an email to CH C at Dallas. Hope charities dot org. Books can be purchased on Amazon Barnes and Noble Press or through used bookstores. If cost is a barrier, please reach out for alternative options.

Visit megans skidmore coaching dot com to find this podcast and additional free resources including the link for a complimentary coaching session. Follow me on Facebook or Instagram for more or to send me ad m help the podcast grow. Please follow review and share with a friend.