Episode 80: Black & white thinking turned into my greatest gift with Jancee Wright part 2

Giving myself grace and just recognizing it and saying, “That’s OK.” Like you said, I was doing the best I knew how at the time. What an awesome thing that I get to do better now and move forward. If you can get in that mindset of “I get this opportunity to do better,” that’s when you’ll start seeing all the little miracles and blessings that are just everywhere.

I also love what you said—you looked at it through the lens of, “I get to love this beautiful child of God.”

Yeah, I wouldn’t change anything. I wouldn’t change one single thing. I tell people that, and they look at me like I’m crazy. But no—I’ve learned empathy so deeply. I’ve learned love so deeply. I feel like my Savior and I walk hand in hand in complete love. It’s because I’ve allowed the Spirit to guide me, and I’m so grateful.

One thing I’ve learned is that people follow your lead. I remember one of my biggest fears was telling my parents. After my son said, “Hey, we can start telling people,” I panicked. I prayed so hard: “Help me tell my parents. Help their hearts to be softened.”

As I approached it, I said, “Jaden is going to tell you something that might be really hard to hear. Please pray that your hearts will be softened before he shares it.” When he finally told them—over Zoom—their hearts were softened.

There’s this vivid picture from his wedding that I’ll never forget. My dad, wearing his top hat, leaning over the aisle taking a picture of my son kissing his new husband. The photographer caught it perfectly. That photo speaks volumes.

I know without a doubt that the peace my family experienced came because they followed my lead—because I was at peace with it and full of love. Everyone—our families, our friends—followed that lead. If you act scared or worried, others will reflect that. But if you lead with calm confidence and love, others will follow that energy.

I remember you sharing something along those lines when we first met at the Lift and Love Mother’s Retreat in February 2022. You talked about your son’s upcoming wedding and how you approached the planning and invitations. You just normalized it—“They’re getting married on this date, we’re planning this, it’s going to be wonderful.”

All of that is true, and none of it has to speak to political, spiritual, or cultural beliefs. You were simply celebrating someone’s happiness and agency.

Exactly. You said it perfectly—it was about celebrating happiness, just like I would for any of my other kids. Once I made that decision, I was able to be completely present. I can honestly say I felt the Spirit of God at that wedding. The Spirit of God is love, and there was love everywhere—kids running around, laughter, joy. It was all love.

You’ve talked about your fear of telling your parents, which makes sense. But there’s also the fear of sharing with your faith community—friends, neighbors, people who may not understand. What was that like for you?

That’s such a good question. It took us a long time. First, it took our son a long time to be okay with us sharing. Probably nine months before he felt ready. We started with family—my parents, then siblings. I called each of them individually. They were loving, but I also had to remember: I’d had nine months to process this, and they were just hearing the news. They needed grace and time too.

I decided to lead with love, no matter how anyone reacted. If someone gasped or didn’t know what to say, I was okay with that. I left space for them to process. Over time, as questions came, I told them, “Ask me. Ask him. We’re open.”

I didn’t tell a lot of friends at first—just a few close ones. It wasn’t until he got engaged that I felt a clear prompting: “It’s time.” I remember sitting down, praying, and writing a post. When I was about to share it, I felt sick. I thought, “Okay, this is when the judgment comes.” But love outweighed fear.

I love my son to the core, and that mattered more than anything anyone might think or say. I posted the photo of him getting married with a short message and then walked away. I gave myself grace and peace.

The response blew me away. I received so many private messages—pure love. Not one single negative comment. Maybe people had thoughts, but that’s none of my business. What I received was love. And it reminded me—when we love openly and sincerely, people feel that.

Since then, so many have reached out with questions. They’ll say, “I don’t know if I should ask this, but…” And I’m an open book. If I know the answer, I share. If I don’t, I say, “Good question—let me ask my son.” That openness creates understanding.

We were the first family in our local faith community to have a child in a same-sex marriage. There have been a lot of questions, but honestly, our experience has been overwhelmingly positive.

What advice would you offer to parents who are newer in this journey—who want to create safety for themselves and their families as they navigate this?

I would say: let your child lead. When I let my son lead—deciding when and who to tell—it brought peace for both of us. I’d ask him, “Let me know when you’re ready for us to tell people,” and he would.

He told my sister before us, knowing I’d need someone to talk to. That was such a kind gesture. I think when we let them lead, we’re respecting that they’re figuring things out too. It allows for a slow, natural unfolding rather than one big announcement.

In the beginning, you feel so lonely and scared, like you’re suffocating. But taking it slowly helps you both process and grow together in love and understanding.

That’s beautiful and wise. My last question that I ask every guest: what does it mean to you to live beyond the shadow of doubt?

I love that question so much. For me, it’s been a slow process of giving myself grace for having doubt.

When my son was getting married, my daughter was preparing to receive her temple endowment—a sacred experience in our faith. She could go to the temple; he could not. That was hard. I remember praying, “God, I’m not okay with this right now.”

And I felt this overwhelming peace: both are children of God. I am a daughter of God. It’s okay to have doubt and discomfort. God knows each of us individually, and we each have our own purpose.

So, to live beyond the shadow of doubt means trusting that love and divinity hold space for our questions. My doubts are fine—but I know that if I put God first, everything will fall into place for me and my children. He’s never let me down, and I trust that.

That’s so powerful—and such a beautiful reminder that this was your personal experience, custom-made for your heart. You said earlier, “I try to lead with love,” and I think that’s everything. We can’t go wrong when we’re coming from love.

Exactly. I love that we get to love everyone, wherever they are on their journey. I’ve met people in all stages, and I just get to sit with them in that space and love them. That’s what it’s about.

It’s so much more freeing than judging or worrying about who’s “right.” Love really is the answer.

It’s simple, truly. We complicate it, but love is easy—it makes life lighter, happier, and more peaceful.

That’s exactly it—it’s lighter. Thank you for trusting me and our listeners with your story. I know it’s going to touch so many hearts.

Just for fun, let’s end with a few quick questions to help listeners get to know you better. Favorite book?

Oh, The Notebook. I just love love. I could read it over and over again. The movie’s great, but the book—it’s magic.

Right? Sometimes the books are just better. So romantic.

Do you consider yourself an extrovert or an introvert?

I’d say I’m an extrovert—I can talk to anyone and make friends easily. But I do need quiet time to recharge, so maybe a mix of both.

Same here! What about a favorite artist?

Well, my daughter once painted me a picture of the Savior for Christmas. She’s not an artist, but she said, “I can’t afford a gift, so I made you this.” It’s on a big canvas and it’s beautiful. That’s my favorite piece of art because it came from her heart.

That’s incredible. Are you a night owl or a morning person?

Definitely a morning person. I wake up at 5 a.m. every day to work out and start my day—but by 9 p.m., I’m ready for bed.

Celebrity crush?

George Clooney. I think he’s so handsome!

Good choice! Still or carbonated water—or soda?

I don’t drink much soda, but if I do, it’s Dr Pepper. Mostly I’m a water girl, though.

And finally—the furthest place you’ve traveled?

This summer, my four sisters and I went backpacking across Europe! We took trains, packed light, and laughed nonstop. It was like The Amazing Race. We got along the whole time, which is saying something. It was unforgettable.

That sounds amazing!

It really was.

So tell everyone how they can connect with you and what you’re working on right now.

You can find me on Instagram at @FindingYourFancy—that’s F-A-N-C-E-E. I share tips on simplifying your home and your life. I also have a website under the same name.

Right now, we’re doing a Simplicity Challenge—you can grab the checklist through my Instagram link. And my year-long membership, Finding Simplicity, opens in November. Each month, we simplify a different area of your home.

That’s perfect timing! I have to say—your challenges are the best. I’m doing your No Spend September right now.

Oh! How’s that going?

It’s hard—but I love it. It’s made me more aware of why I spend money and what I actually need.

I love that awareness. That’s what it’s all about.

You’re so good at what you do. Everyone, go follow JC!

Thank you so much.

And thank you for being here today.

Thank you. This was amazing.