Episode 64: ‘Checking Boxes,’ TAG Talk 09/01/2023

(Recorded live at TAG Talks Dallas)

I was searching for answers. I was in more emotional, mental, and spiritual pain than I had ever experienced.

I knew my life was never going to be the same.

In my search for answers, I came across a blog post that said something like this:

“Imagine sitting in church on Sunday with your family all lined up in a pew. You look around and people are smiling, enjoying the speaker. The mom in front of you is braiding her daughter’s hair. You can hear the toddler behind you begging for a snack.

Then, without warning, the ground begins to shake. An earthquake rips through the chapel and leaves a gaping hole right where your family was sitting. You’re injured, you’re bleeding, and you need help.

You look around for assistance—and that’s when it hits you. Your pew is the only one affected. Everyone else is carrying on like nothing happened.”

That story resonated deeply with me because that’s exactly how I felt upon learning that our youngest child—just thirteen at the time—identified as LGBTQ+.

I come from a conservative faith background: born and raised LDS, just like my parents, and their parents before them. I knew the tenets of my faith. I had been taught what to think and believe about LGBTQ+ individuals—that it wasn’t okay, that it was sinful, an abomination, and that acting on it could even keep someone from living with God in the next life.

That thought absolutely petrified me. I was determined to find a way for my child to somehow fit into this heteronormative box—because checking boxes was what I knew best.

I had checked all of them: baptized at eight, entered the youth program at twelve, served as class president, went on a mission, learned Spanish, married in the temple, and started a family. The idea of not checking the “eternal family” box was unbearable.

The cognitive dissonance was overwhelming. My soul felt like it was being torn apart—pulled in two directions between the faith I loved and the child I loved.

It nearly broke me.

I remember one day walking down the stairs in our home, paralyzed by fear. I couldn’t breathe. I clutched the counter, doubled over, and sobbed. “God, I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know what’s next. I’m scared. Please help me.”

Almost immediately, I felt a blanket of peace settle over me—and I heard a very clear message:

“Slow down.
See the child in front of you the way I see them.
Focus on your heart.
See their soul.”

That was the beginning of God taking my heart—broken wide open—and giving it a complete makeover.

I prayed, “God, show me what I’ve been missing. Show me my rough edges and help me smooth them.”

And then I began to examine all those boxes I’d been so focused on checking.
What were they really for? Were they performative?
Because what good are external boxes if they don’t transform your internal world?

After all—it’s what’s inside that counts, right?
How many times had I said that over the years, but never really understood it?

Over the next days, weeks, months, and years, God changed my heart. It’s still an ongoing process. I began to see people—my child and others—not for their hair, their clothes, their tattoos, their piercings, or their possessions.

Instead, I began to see their hearts. I began to see beautiful souls—fellow children of this big family of God. I began to recognize the divinity that already exists within each of us.

I started seeing others more as God sees them—for their talents, abilities, strengths, weaknesses, joys, and sorrows.

Through this journey, I’ve learned that queer folks have been my greatest teachers. They’ve forced me to lean into discomfort and reexamine long-held beliefs.

My purpose isn’t to convince anyone to think like me.
It’s to help people ask themselves:

• What are your boxes?

• Do you like them?

• Are they serving you—or are they performative?

• Did you choose them—or did someone else?

• Are they keeping you from your capital “P” Purpose or your capital “C” Calling?

In my work, I help clients with three main things:

1. Recognize their stories.
   The narratives they’ve told themselves shape their identity.

2. Clarify their values.
   When your world has been rocked, you need an aligned center from which to make big decisions and take leaps of faith.

3. Process emotions.
   A lot of messy, painful emotions come up—and that’s okay. Emotions aren’t to be feared, pushed down, or avoided. They’re teachers. They show us where we’ve been, where we are, and where we need to go.

I help people look inward—to heal their inner child and give that child what it never received.

If you’re ready to begin this process of identifying your values and your true identity, I have a free quiz I’d love to share with you. Email me, and I’ll send it your way.

And one more thing—if you’ve ever noticed, I always wear rainbow.
It’s not to make a political, moral, or religious statement. I wear it because it silently tells my LGBTQ+ brothers, sisters, and siblings: You are safe with me. You are loved. You are seen.

If you’d like to show that same visible support, I have free heart-shaped rainbow pins I’d love to send you. Just email me at hello@meaganskidmorecoaching.com.

Thank you.

Topics Discussed

• LGBTQ+ and faith

• Cognitive dissonance and personal transformation

• Values-based living

• Emotional healing and self-acceptance

• Parenting through faith and identity challenges

Takeaways

• Reflect on personal values and the “boxes” you’ve been checking.

• Challenge long-held beliefs that no longer align with love and authenticity.

• Build an internal foundation (aligned center) to make confident decisions.

• Embrace emotions as teachers.

• Explore your identity through tools like the values quiz or by reaching out for support.