“A spiritual wound is a type of wound that disrupts your relationship with God or your spiritual practices.” Dr. Allison Cook.
(https://www.dralisoncook.com/spiritual-wounds/#:~:text=A%20spiritual%20wound%20is%20a,God’s%20word%20to%20cause%20harm)
In ALSSI podcast Episode 113, I determined a spiritual wound that I have experienced personally and I believe we have collectively as conservative faith communities. Susan Hinkley and Cynthia Winward interview guest Kathryn Knight Sonntag author of The Mother Tree: Discovering the Love and Wisdom of Our Divine Mother. In the preface, Kathryn shares “I believe asking questions and exploring possibilities are indispensable ways to show love and reverence for revealed truth.” I couldn’t agree more.
On page 13, she says “My experiences and study led me to see that we have a Mother wound in our theology. This theological phenomenon is a collective wound that has affected our ability to perceive the need for the Mother as individuals. Just as unexamined pain, be it feelings of unworthiness, abandonment or anger, can keep us from a clear perspective of what’s happening inside and outside of us, our unacknowledged wound caused by separation from our spiritual Mother likewise obscures our vision of ourselves and the divine.” She continues, “The ramifications of what it means to be separated from our Mother are yet to be fully uncovered and understood.”
This last statement really stood out to me. I have discovered that for me in my journey, an extension of this “mother wound” is a gender wound and a gender role wound. By this I mean with a primary focus on a male diety we are inadvertently ignoring or devaluing feminine energy which is inhibiting our understanding of ourselves, and what it means to be divinely masculine, divinely feminine or a combination of the 2. Up to this point, I have shared my thoughts on how it hurts all forms of gender expression and today, on gender roles. -Meagan Skidmore
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This month—August 2023—marks the one-year anniversary of Beyond the Shadow of Doubt!
And, at the same time, we hit 5,000 downloads.
I’m so appreciative of everyone who’s joined me along the way — my guests who’ve shared their stories, and all of you who listen, download, share with friends, subscribe, and leave reviews.
Each of those actions helps this podcast grow and helps these messages reach even more people.
I feel especially grateful because, as a female podcaster sharing my story as an LGBTQ+ mama of conservative faith, your support helps amplify voices that are often underrepresented and marginalized.
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Thank you for being here. Now—onto today’s episode.
Thanks for joining me for Part 3 of Below the Surface: Spiritual Wounds.
Dr. Allison Cook defines a spiritual wound as:
“A type of wound that disrupts your relationship with God or your spiritual practices.
Spiritual wounds typically occur when a parent, authority figure, or religious leader uses the name of God for self-centered purposes or twists God’s word to cause harm.”
(Source)
I also appreciate this explanation from Dr. Mark Pettus, who writes in the National Wellness Institute Journal that:
“Spiritual wounds are often overlooked in healthcare. They don’t appear on x-rays or blood tests, but they can show up as disconnection—from meaning and joy, from self and others, from purpose or hope. They may show up as isolation, shame, guilt, or a loss of self-worth.”
(Source)
If you’ve listened to episodes #51 and #55, Parts 1 and 2 of this series, you know that I’ve been reflecting on my interview with Kathryn Knight Sonntag, author of The Mother Tree: Discovering the Love and Wisdom of Our Divine Mother (Episode 113 of the ALSSI podcast).
In that conversation, Kathryn introduced what she calls “the Mother Wound.”
As I’ve reflected on her ideas, I’ve come to see what I believe is an extension of that concept — what I call “the Gender Wound.”
By that, I mean: when our focus is placed primarily on a male deity, we inadvertently ignore or devalue feminine energy. This imbalance limits our understanding of both the divine feminine and divine masculine—and everything in between.
So far, I’ve shared thoughts on how this hurts all expressions of gender.
Today, I want to expand on how it also harms our understanding of gender roles.
At around the 20:34 mark, Susan says to Kathryn:
“As a woman, when I get a taste of another way of being — it feels true to me.
More true than the patriarchal approach that’s been sold to me through the world, its institutions, and the church.
Patriarchy assumes — no, it insists — because it has the power to insist. It makes the rules.
Especially in institutions like the LDS Church, patriarchy has the power to imprint its vision on our experience.
But when I taste what’s true in my soul, it’s not that for me.”
Kathryn responds:
“And Susan, that’s exactly the Mother. We’ve felt these promptings and intuitions our whole lives, but we haven’t been taught to recognize their source as divinely feminine.”
By way of definition, Collins Dictionary defines patriarchy as:
“A society, family, or system in which men hold all or most of the power and importance.”
(Source
For me, what Susan’s words reveal is that there are other ways of being — other “rules” — around gender and sexuality that we rarely explore, simply because patriarchy has been the water we’ve all been swimming in for so long.
We were born into it.
And once we realize how deeply patriarchy has shaped our understanding of gender — how it’s defined women, men, and everything in between — we start to see how much has been overlooked, mislabeled, or misunderstood.
These are questions worthy of our collective attention.
Colleen McDannell, Professor of History and Religious Studies at the University of Utah, writes about this in her 2019 book Sister Saints: Mormon Women Since the End of Polygamy.
She notes that much of Mormon history centers around men — those who founded, led, or defined the church — while feminist historians ask new questions:
What were the women doing while the men were doing what they did?
If women’s experiences were included, how might that change the story?
What do women see as spiritually fulfilling?
How have their motivations and spiritual expressions changed over time?
Even Mormon feminists, McDannell writes, look back to the 19th century for evidence of female agency and originality.
When gender roles are rigidly prescribed — based on body parts or patriarchal expectations — they exclude those who don’t fit neatly into “male” or “female” boxes.
These roles limit everyone, even those who appear to benefit from them.
Men are often expected to be the primary breadwinners and protectors, equating worth with income or social status.
Women are often expected to prioritize service, motherhood, and caretaking—sometimes to the point of exhaustion or self-erasure.
And those who don’t identify with either traditional role often have no socially accepted space at all.
They exist in a society that does not see them.
What a painful, isolating way to live.
As Dr. Cook defines, a spiritual wound disrupts your relationship with God or your spiritual practices.
Rigid gender roles — and the patriarchal systems that enforce them — can deeply injure that relationship.
When your worthiness, value, or access to the Divine is tied to how well you perform a role that doesn’t fit who you are, it creates spiritual pain.
It cuts to the core of identity, belonging, and connection with the sacred.
That’s why I call this a spiritual wound.
In the next episode of this series, I’ll be sharing practical ways we can help heal spiritual wounds—how we can choose to lighten others’ burdens rather than add to them.
Thank you so much for being here.
Until next time. 💛
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