Episode 25: ‘My whole life was a doubt after I lost my twins’ with Jennifer Senn

I’m Meagan Skidmore, host of the Beyond the Shadow of Doubt podcast.

Welcome to Episode 25 with Jennifer Senn — a certified life coach who specializes in grief coaching for parents of stillborn babies. Her third pregnancy ended in the stillbirth of twin daughters just weeks before they were to be born.

This experience proved to try her faith in ways she never imagined. Jennifer shared with me that within minutes of finding out the news that the babies were gone…

“You fall into this questioning of every single thing in your life.”

I am so grateful Jenn shared her story and helped to normalize asking questions and having doubts in our lives.

I want to remind you that I am a proud member of the Dialogue Podcast Network.

Founder of the Dialogue Journal, Eugene England, was a Mormon writer, teacher, and scholar. He once said:

“My faith encourages my curiosity and awe. It thrusts me out into relationship with all creation and encourages me to enter into dialogue.”

My hope is that this podcast is an extension of his vision.

Thank you everybody for joining the Beyond the Shadow of Doubt podcast today.

I’m so happy to have my fellow coach and friend Jennifer Senn with me.

Meagan: Jennifer, I would love if you could introduce yourself.

Jennifer: Well, thank you so much for having me here. I am just so excited to be here with you and your audience today.

I’m a mom of three — they’re all in their twenties at this point, so life is a little crazy. We live just south of Buffalo, New York, in a small town.

I coach parents who have had stillborn babies. The reason I do this is because 23 years ago, my third pregnancy was twin girls, and they suddenly stopped breathing at 32 weeks along. We already had two little boys and were super excited about this grand finale to our family — and then the unthinkable happened.

And as mothers do, I just kept going. I tried to pretend everything was okay. I had another child, and while that brought so much joy, I carried a lot of grief for a long time.

That’s what drew me into coaching.

Meagan: How long have you been coaching?

Jennifer: Probably about ten years. It took me a long time to realize I was carrying a lot of unprocessed grief. Once I experienced the power of coaching, I knew that this space really needed it. It’s a very lonely place, and there was no help when I was going through it.

Meagan: That’s really beautiful — how you’ve taken something so painful and turned it into something healing for others. I imagine it brought up confusion, sorrow, maybe even some anger?

Jennifer: Definitely.

Meagan: For our listeners, Jen and I know each other from a business cohort for coaches. That’s how we met. One of my goals with this podcast is to normalize having doubts — not just spiritually, but across life experiences. And yours is a powerful one.

Meagan: Can you share what was going on for you emotionally after losing your twins? How did questioning and doubt show up?

Jennifer: The questioning starts immediately.

It’s such a shameful experience because it happens in your body. You go straight to blaming yourself. What did I do wrong? What should I have done differently?

There’s guilt. There’s doubt. You question your body. You question your doctors. I definitely questioned my faith. I questioned God.

How could someone loving allow this?

You feel betrayed on so many levels — by your body, by the experience you thought you’d have, and by God, who you trusted to protect you.

It was very jarring.

Meagan: When you say you “went out of it” for a while — you stepped away?

Jennifer: I stepped away from the church a little bit. I still attended, but I was spiritually and emotionally removed.

Interestingly, within six months of our loss, another friend at church lost one of her twins, and then our pastor lost a full-term baby shortly after birth.

We had a season of baby loss in our church. It was tragic, confusing — but it kept us connected. It reminded us that we weren’t alone.

Meagan: That’s really powerful. Even your pastor was grappling with questions. And to witness that honesty — what a gift.

Jennifer: Yes, and through Scripture and community, we found comfort. But it took time.

Meagan: What’s your faith background?

Jennifer: I’m Christian. I grew up in the United Methodist Church. A very traditional, small-town church.

Meagan: It sounds like your relationship with God went through a major shift.

Jennifer: Definitely. Everything I knew about life changed in an instant.

As girls, we grow up thinking, “You’ll have babies, and everything will be fine.” I leaned on my faith. And then — within minutes of finding out my babies were gone — I fell into questioning every part of my life.

Meagan: You said it took about a year to find some comfort again. What helped?

Jennifer: Seeing my pastor — who had studied theology and the Bible in depth — also struggle with doubt was comforting.

And I started to notice little signs. Meals. Visits. Support from our church family. Those were signs that brought me back.

Eventually, I leaned into my faith for healing.

Meagan: Your church community played a huge role.

Jennifer: Huge. If they hadn’t shown up, I would’ve felt judged — especially in a small town where people often say, “Oh well, these things happen.”

But their support validated my experience. That validation is everything, especially with baby loss where there’s often no visible baby. It made all the difference.

Meagan: Coaching teaches us not to avoid hard emotions. So many people want to fix things — but some things just can’t be fixed.

Jennifer: Exactly. And the validation matters more than fixing.

Meagan: As a member of a traditional faith, how have you seen faith evolve in terms of openness — especially around tough conversations, like grief or even LGBTQ+ inclusion?

Jennifer: I think it’s changing. In the Methodist church, there’s been a split, and while that’s difficult, it’s brought up conversations that needed to happen.

There’s been discomfort, but it’s important. Conversations lead to healing.

Meagan: For someone going through a loss or a parenting experience that feels different from the norm — what advice would you give?

Jennifer: Find your people. Find others who have been through it.

Put aside your judgments or ideas of what’s “right” or “wrong,” and just be there. If someone is hurting, go to them. Don’t try to fix it. Just be there.

Meagan: So powerful. And sometimes that means just listening. Not offering advice. Not spiritual platitudes.

Jennifer: Exactly. No one wants to hear, “God needed this baby more than you.” That’s not helpful.

Meagan: What have you learned about yourself through all this?

Jennifer: I’ve learned that I hold a lot of love and compassion. Everyone has a story. My superpower is flexibility — being easygoing. You can plan all you want, but life doesn’t always follow.

Meagan: Final thoughts for someone supporting a friend or family member going through baby loss?

Jennifer: Just send a text. “I was thinking about you and your baby today.” If you know the baby’s name, use it.

People fear bringing it up — but we love talking about our babies, just like any parent does. It doesn’t make us sad; it reminds us we’re not alone.

Meagan: What does it mean to you to live beyond the shadow of doubt?

Jennifer: It means your life isn’t over because something tragic happened. You’re still meant to live an amazing life. And those hardships? They actually enhance the good times.

Lightning Round

• Favorite book? Everything Is Figureoutable

• Introvert or extrovert? Extrovert

• Favorite artist? Prince — I’m an ‘80s girl!

• Morning or night? Morning

• Celebrity crush? None right now — haven’t seen any good movies lately!

• Furthest place traveled? Hawaii — from Buffalo, it was about a 14–16 hour flight.

Meagan: Tell listeners where they can find you and what you’re offering.

Jennifer:
You can find me at jennifersenn.com. I have a short quiz that helps me create a custom healing guide for those experiencing baby loss or supporting someone who is.

It includes helpful resources and podcast episodes to meet you wherever you are in the grief journey.

My podcast is called Navigating Baby Loss — and all links are on my website.

Meagan: Jennifer, thank you. For your heart, your honesty, and for being a light.

Jennifer: Thank you so much for everything you do — and for having me here.