Episode 17. Defining your faith journey with Dr. Stacy Heimburger Smalley, M.D.

I hope you can indulge in a little longer than usual episode with my first guest to the podcast, Dr. Stacy Smalley the sugar free md.  I appreciate how open and candid she is about her spiritual journey and how our faith of origin plays a role in the trajectory of our lives.  Before moving into the interview, I am a proud member of the Dialogue Podcast Network (DialogueJournal.com/podcastnetwork). The Dialogue Podcast Network features shows by Latter-day Saints who wish to bring their faith into dialogue with the larger stream of world religious thought and with human experience as a whole and to foster artistic and scholarly achievement based on their cultural heritage.

It’s not too late—come join my hybrid group program for LGBTQ+ parents. I’m testing a combination of group & 1:1 coaching,  inviting expert speakers.  I will simultaneously be going through a trauma certification program with Lindsay Poelman coaching.Those who are involved in my hybrid pilot group will get the benefit of trauma coaching as well. 

And For limited time I’m offering a complimentary coaching package for Q+ teens or young adults to coincide with the trauma certification.  Please shoot me an email for more info about either program at hello@meaganskidmorecoaching.com.  Now to the chat with dr smalley.

Stacy Smalley, mom of two (6 & 4), MD-Internal medicine, raised Catholic, from Louisiana

Learned to be a one take person in med school, doing discharge summary

What’s a good mom comes up, what does that mean, who decides

Looking inward and what aligned w/ me

Making our children actions mean something about us.

Role as a mom, things you have questioned maybe didn’t even realize it at the time.

Role of women in medicine, what does it mean to be a female physician.  Beliefs that you may not even realized that you had, and how/if you re-examined them.

Gender roles, glass ceilings, opportunities to challenge my beliefs, misjudged.

Something that happened to me as a dr, had difficult patient wasn’t going to recover in hospital, signify brain injury, not going to wake up, family didn’t want to accept that

Fam decided to go to couple med procedures, life support for infinite act of time, struggled bcc felt like I wasn’t doing my job, like I wasn’t serving the patient, knew that’s not what he would want.

Left in tears, long runs asked God to help me, give me the words

Helped to reframe it to serve my patient was to take care of his family too.

It changed me as a healer to understand it’s not just the patient your taking care of it’s their family too

It has changed how I look at any situation w/ my patients and their families.

In what way

Especially when the patient can no longer voice their wishes and the family is not ready to say goodbye, end of life transition/period

Depend on their families to be their voice, stand in solidarity,

My patient and family were not on same page as far as what is best for them.  Had to make peace with that; not my job either, I don’t know everything, while I might not agree at that point, maybe it was enough to take care of his family.

Brought up that story bec it made me suspend judgement—not judging fam for not be able say goodby, doctoring not being able to sway them, and acknowledging humans react differently at a difficult time like that

When it comes to family we show up in our feelings/emos more strongly when presented with a new to us scenario that we’ve not navigated before and don’t have a clue at the moment about how to

Emos were strong for me at that experience, bec I had to evolve

I was running around doctoring, everything fine until I was faced w/ this situation where there was judgment involved, I was judging fam, I thought my job was to convince them to do what I want

It really wasn’t my choice.  Wasn’t my job to choose for them.  I learned the way to serve my patient was to accept his fam and their wishes.

Themes of free will….

(Patient made known wishes through convos)

Maybe I thought that was the way to do it.

We see things through lenses we’re not often aware of; this experience was opportunity to challenge beliefs previously held about end of life care and what that means.  Even tho you thought you  knew what was best, you were willing to step back be the watcher of them.  You sought out divine guidance, through running.  I got my answer but not what I thought.  It wasn’t my job to convince them to do it my.

Whatever we perceives as best feels safe to us.

Growing up catholic, scandal, money

have to step back and decide what you want to think. You have to to be catholic, dh shares views, I do believe in something bigger than me.  Like moral compass religion provides, I don’t have to believe

Take step back-which parts I believe/let go

A lot of catholics I know feel similar.

I don’t have to believe 100% and I can still believe it provides moral compass that I do agree.

Faith origin influences and the tenants of one’s faith

Similarities vs differences

Taught me God and the universe are for me not against me.  Alignment

Mom devout than I, church every Sunday

All 3 still identify as catholic, but don’t regularly go to church.

She has convos with us, feels we are spiritual in ways that work for us.  No rules from her.

Put it in God’s hands.  Right answer will be presented to you if you can be open, quiet.

I wanted medicine career, thought I would have to sacrifice family, husband at 40