Episode 15. Having doubts is not the same as finding fault

Faith in Darkness, Story of Jan E. Newman second counselor in the Sunday School General Presidency. (https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ftsoy/2023/01/06-faith-in-darkness?lang=eng)

When I was a young boy, my family would often visit Great Basin National Park in Nevada, USA. One remarkable thing in the park is Lehman Caves.

A tour guide leads you deep into the cave and, at a certain point, turns out all the lights. You experience total darkness. It is a heavy feeling, and the thought of finding your way out of the cave without any light is overwhelming. Thankfully, the guide always turns the light back on and leads you out safely.

Sometimes we are faced with questions and even doubts about the Church and our testimonies. It can feel heavy and uncertain, like being in the dark cave.

It is OK to have questions and concerns. The thing that will make the biggest difference is how you approach them.

The following has helped Bro. Newman.

Exercise Faith: I have found that if I approach questions and concerns from a position of faith, I can always find a way forward.  Side note: Oxford languages defines faith as complete trust or confidence in someone or something, or also strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion.  Faith is trusting or having strong belief.

Ask, Seek, Knock: The phrase “ask, seek, knock” is repeated in the scriptures. “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God” (James 1:5). Go directly to the source of all truth. God loves you and will assist you.

Be a truth seeker: I have found that those who are honestly and humbly seeking truth will often find answers to their questions eventually.  HE CONTRASTS this with “On the other hand, those who are just looking to find fault will only move further and further away from the truth.”

What is the difference between “finding fault” and genuinely seeking answers to questions and doubts.  Let’s take a deeper look.

According to Collins dictionary, (https://www.collinsdictionary.com/us/dictionary/english/to-find-fault-with)

If you find fault with something or someone, you look for mistakes and complain about them.  A cynic is a person who always finds fault in others.  Synonyms of find fault: charge, condemn, criticize.

So there is HUGE difference between having questions and doubts about things that don’t make sense (yet) to you and being critical and condemning about them.

In episode #12 Origin of the word doubt I defined the word doubt.  I also pointed out that doubt can be used as both a verb and a noun, depending on context and use.  As a verb, “to be uncertain” and as a noun “a deliberate suspension of judgement”

This article by Jan E. Newman made me think of some of things I discuss in episode #7, “Doubt does not equal UNBELIEF”.  I think unbelief is often confused with uncertainty when they are actually opposites.  Uncertainty is not unbelief nor is it finding fault I would add. 

Here’s why:  in that episode I mention an article by Christian author Barnabas Piper where he points out “4 Differences between believing and unbelieving doubt”

This is his framework of 4 ways to determine unbelieving doubt from believing doubt:

1—Unbelieving (skeptical) doubt asks questions in order to challenge; believing doubt asks them in order to learn.”

2. Unbelieving doubt takes questions to anyone but Jesus. Believing doubt takes questions directly to Jesus. 

3. Unbelieving doubt questions God’s character because He is beyond our understanding. Believing doubt trusts in God’s character because He is beyond our understanding.

4. Unbelieving doubt says, “not Your will, but mine be done.” Believing doubt says, “not my will, but Yours be done.”

(Source https://voices.lifeway.com/bible-theology/4-differences-between-believing-and-unbelieving-doubt/

As I read through these, it’s so clear that there is a different feeling behind each of these different types of unbelieving doubt and believing doubt.  As a life coach, thought work is a huge part of my work—and because I know our feelings come from our thoughts and ultimately drive our actions which produce our results, it is critical to consider what is driving each of these four.  For instance the first one, unbelieving or skeptical doubt asks questions in order to challenge (F-on the defense/defensive) whereas believing doubt asks them in order to learn (F-humble/humility).

How applicable

So how can we change the discussion around this topic?  How can we openly and in a non judgmental way, create safe spaces to talk about our questions.

Barnabas Piper shares this and I leave it for you to consider or re-consider:

“The word “doubt” is an uncomfortable one in most Christian circles. It’s something that is frowned upon or even condemned in many church circles. But that doesn’t stop us from doubting; it just makes doubting shameful for many of us. We don’t know what to do with it, who to talk to about it, or how to talk about it. We just know that our questions feel like they are pulling us away from God.”

He continues:

“But what if they aren’t? What if doubt isn’t inherently wrong? And what if doubt is something that doesn’t necessarily undermine our faith but can actually lead us deeper into faith? How we respond when we doubt determines whether it is “unbelieving doubt” (that which leads us away from faith) or “believing doubt” (that which leads us to deeper faith).”

I propose we can shift the discussions around this topic by doing just that—having discussions about it.  Normalizing that this is part of the human experience for everyone will contribute to creating “safe or safer spaces.” 

I also think it’s really important for us to suspend judgement with one another.  Hold space, listen, stay curious and ask more questions to understand more fully a persons point of view.  Notice your own motivation. Are you listening with the intent to refute or offer a rebuttal?  Or are you listening without an agenda?  Are you listening so that someone feels heard?

On an individual level, I believe the motivation behind our seeking of answers to questions and doubts is important to consider as well.  It is key to what I’m trying to do and create with this podcast. 

So back to what I said earlier: HUGE difference between having questions and doubts about things that don’t make sense (yet) to you and being critical and condemning about them.

I will talk more about this—motivation— in an upcoming episode.

In seeking answers to questions and doubts, believe Bro Newman’s suggestions to be good and important ones—exercise faith and ask, seek, knock and that we shouldn’t stop there.

I also believe the more we give ourselves and others permission to have them in the first place, the more we will create safe spaces to discuss them, hear one another and even minister to one another in the midst of what for some may be a very difficult time.

That’s what I have for today.  Before signing off want to remind you that I am a proud member of the Dialogue Podcast Network (DialogueJournal.com/podcastnetwork). The Dialogue Podcast Network features shows by Latter-day Saints who wish to bring their faith into dialogue with the larger stream of world religious thought and with human experience as a whole and to foster artistic and scholarly achievement based on their cultural heritage.

Come join my hybrid group program for LGBTQ+ parents. I’m testing a pilot coaching program —a combination of group & individual coaching,  as well as guest speakers.  I will simultaneously be going through a trauma certification program with Lindsay Poelman coaching to enlarge my skill set as a coach, as well as deepen my ability to process with my clients. Those who are involved in my hybrid pilot group will get the benefit of trauma coaching as well . Come grow with me! 

And For limited time I’m offering a few complimentary coaching packages for Q+ teens or young adults to coincide with the trauma certification.  Please shoot me an email for more info about either program at hello@meaganskidmorecoaching.com

That’s all for today; thanks for joining me!