Episode 7. Doubt ≠ Unbelief

Hello everyone and welcome to episode 7 of the “Beyond the Shadow of Doubt” podcast. I am your host Meagan Skidmore, I’m a Life transitions coach certified through the life coach school & I work w/ parents of lgtbq+ kiddos of a conservative faith background.  At times, I also work with your kiddos.  My aim w/ this podcast is to bring the traditionally taboo topic of doubt and questioning out of the shadows of shame and into the sunlight.

This is the last Wednesday during the month of September.  If you have been listening along, you know that this month I have been addressing how allowing rather than denying doubts and questioning contributes to overall positive mental/emotional/spiritual health.  In my studies I came across A QUOTE that stopped me in my tracks.

“Doubt is not the same as UNBELIEF”

FLOORED. 

Of course it’s not.  Do some suppose it to be?  And if they do, what are they making it mean if so?

I read on…..I found this in an article by Christian author Barnabas Piper where he makes this distinction “4 Differences between believing and unbelieving doubt”

I found it very interesting that he starts out right out the gates with this:

“The word “doubt” is an uncomfortable one in most Christian circles. It’s something that is frowned upon or even condemned in many church circles. But that doesn’t stop us from doubting; it just makes doubting shameful for many of us. We don’t know what to do with it, who to talk to about it, or how to talk about it. We just know that our questions feel like they are pulling us away from God.”

WOW.  I was floored. 

So it would appear that the shame of doubt is not unique to my LDS Christian sect.

He continues:

“But what if they aren’t? What if doubt isn’t inherently wrong? And what if doubt is something that doesn’t necessarily undermine our faith but can actually lead us deeper into faith? How we respond when we doubt determines whether it is “unbelieving doubt” (that which leads us away from faith) or “believing doubt” (that which leads us to deeper faith).”

He then gives us a framework of 4 ways to determine unbelieving doubt from believing doubt:

1—Unbelieving (skeptical) doubt asks questions in order to challenge; believing doubt asks them in order to learn.”

2. Unbelieving doubt takes questions to anyone but Jesus. Believing doubt takes questions directly to Jesus. 

3. Unbelieving doubt questions God’s character because He is beyond our understanding. Believing doubt trusts in God’s character because He is beyond our understanding.

4. Unbelieving doubt says, “not Your will, but mine be done.” Believing doubt says, “not my will, but Yours be done.”

(Source https://voices.lifeway.com/bible-theology/4-differences-between-believing-and-unbelieving-doubt/)

I don’t necessarily agree with all that is shared in this piece; I do like many of the points made.  I leave it to you to read to draw your own conclusions.  What I do like is that he is opening up the conversation about having doubts, which in turn peels away the layers of shame that over time have built up. 

Let’s address shame for a bit.  If you have done any reading of Brene Brown then you know she has dedicated much of her professional life to studies on shame and it’s effect on humans.  She distinguishes shame from guilt. I quote,

“Based on my research and the research of other shame researchers, I believe that there is a profound difference between shame and guilt. I believe that guilt is adaptive and helpful—it’s holding something we’ve done or failed to do up against our values and feeling psychological discomfort.

I define shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging—something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection. 

I don’t believe shame is helpful or productive. In fact, I think shame is much more likely to be the source of destructive, hurtful behavior than the solution or cure. I think the fear of disconnection can make us dangerous.

-Brene Brown

https://brenebrown.com/articles/2013/01/15/shame-v-guilt/

So if a person is feeling shameful from having doubts that may be equated w/ being a non-believer, then they are feeling flawed, unworthy of love and of belonging.  They are not feeling a part of the group simply because they have some doubts and are experiencing some questions come up.  Which then leads to distancing themselves, ostracization, possible shunning and/or shaming by other group members…..just an all around unhealthy environment.  Certainly not an environment where one might feel comfortable asking questions nor an environment where candid discussions could take place.  Nor is it an environment conducive to growth and change.

I agree with Brene about shame.  Not helpful.  Not productive.  Definitely more likely to be a source of hurtful behavior.  Less likely to be a solution or cure.  The fear of disconnection or not being a part of the group can make humans do irrational behaviors, go against their own personal integrity even.

I suppose it is for this, and many other reasons that I started this podcast—and that is to open up and NORMALIZE discussions about having questions and doubts.  It is in fact normal.  It’s human nature and when it happens, nothing has gone wrong.  I actually appreciate an intellectually stimulating discussion much more than one that is well not.j

So consider this your invite….your permission slip…got questions?  I encourage you to ask away….raise your hands and speak up in your congregations.  I am certain there are others who will follow your lead.

If you can think of someone who would benefit from this message please share.  If you enjoyed todays message, please leave a rating and review. Have questions about this or any episode?  

Let’s chat—schedule your first coaching session (always complimentary) at my website https://meaganskidmorecoaching.com.  

Incidentally, have you seen my 20+ page interactive resource guide for LGBTQ+ families? 

It’s accessible on my website-oh and it’s free! See you next time.